Awareness isn’t enough – we need acceptance and action to remove the stigma of mental illness.
IT came as a shock to Ivan Lim when he was told by a friend that she was recovering from depression.
“She told me that she was no longer having suicidal thoughts, and while I remained calm as I listened, in my head I was screaming, what!? Suicidal thoughts? You? You’re like the happiest person I know,” says the professionally-trained classical guitarist who’s a lot better known as an author.
That friend of his is none other than Eileen Chai, co-founder of 3am Music Collective, whom he has known since 2012.
“Eileen loves telling people that she ‘stalked’ me online,” Ivan tells Z*Media. “Well, all she did was add me on Facebook, and seeing that we had more than a few friends in common, and that she wasn’t too bad-looking, I accepted the request,” adds the author and publisher who has about 30 books to his name, including a humour series called Nightlife: Confidential as well as the biographies of drag queen comedian Kumar and Mando-pop entertainer William Scorpion.
“Eileen and I worked together when I edited and published her book, Teach A Life, For Life, in 2014. She was always cheerful, always happy then. She’s such an accomplished person, having represented Singapore in gymnastics, springboard diving and athletics, garnering several medals in the process. She is also an excellent violinist,” says the former newspaper columnist who wrote very popular sports and entertainment columns, besides humour.
“By the time she told me her story, she was well on the road to recovery. Imagine if she hadn’t survived her suicide attempt! She would have been another friend I’d have lost to mental illness,” he says, sounding uncharacteristically grim.
“However, I shouldn’t have been quite so surprised. Mental health conditions are, after all, very often a hidden illness,” says Ivan.
He would know. In 2001, when he was a journalist with TODAY, which was then a newspaper, he was diagnosed with depression.
“I had everything – a nice car in front of my three-storey terrace house, fame as a writer, popularity in social circles, and a lot more money than I needed. But I wasn’t happy,” he reveals. “I drank every night. And one day, crashed my car when I fell asleep at the wheel.”
He survived the crash, got himself slapped with a massive fine and a two-year driving ban but continued drinking himself into a stupor every night.
“One day, my mother discovered me in the corner of my study, almost unconscious. I think I had been crying. The next day, she set an appointment for me to see a psychiatrist,” he says.
“I went not because I knew it was good for me. I was at rock bottom. I didn’t even have the will to resist,” says Ivan. It was all good, though. Several sessions and some medication later, he recovered sufficiently.
“The scary part was, I was still doing my work pretty well, so no-one was aware of what I was going through,” he says.
But there was the stigma, of course.
“One friend jokingly said that I had such a fashionable ailment, and credited my affluent lifestyle. I did chuckle a little at that, though I suspect he had little clue of the gravity of the condition. He was there for me a lot of the time, so I quickly forgave him for his quip,” says Ivan.
But there were those who distanced themselves from him when they became aware that he was seeing a psychiatrist, he says.
“They told me it would be on my medical record, and said I should never have sought help. Some of them I never saw again. But it’s OK. I asked myself if I needed friends like that, and the answer was obvious. And yes, I had plenty of friends. Real ones, not just those who hung around because I was rich and famous,” he says, chuckling.
Which is why when Eileen told him she was starting an initiative in support of mental wellness, he went all in.
“The truth is, people are aware of mental health conditions. But the stigma remains. So instead of merely creating awareness, we need to push for acceptance of mental illnesses such as depression and anxiety for what they are – illnesses that can be treated.
“So we need awareness, acceptance and action – yes, the triple-A – to remove the stigma, to talk about mental illness in the open instead of hiding it like a dark secret, so those with the condition can get help without fear or shame, without having to worry about being judged,” he explains.
“Perhaps I was fortunate that my very progressive mother, also a former journalist with The Straits Times, understood the condition and sent me the right way. I was also fortunate in that I have had good friends so I didn’t really need to worry too much about those who shunned me. But I feel that people who hold on to such archaic beliefs are the problem,” he adds.
“There’s no need to kill them all, though,” he says, in a lighter vein. “We just have to talk about it loudly enough so those ancient beliefs become banished into history.”
Now a loving parent – together with his journalist wife – of a 15-year-old boy with autism, Ivan continues to work as a writer. But it is music that makes him happy.
“I was trained as a classical guitarist when I was 10, right until I was 19. I took part and did well in local competitions, winning one and was always in the top three. Till this day, I practise daily,” says the writer whose first instrument was the violin when he was six.
“I took a break from journalism after being diagnosed with depression, and during that time, I managed the T’ang Quartet, who had been my friends since 1994,” he adds.
Ivan plays the guitar on Still Searching, the only instrumental track in 3am Music Collective’s 10-song cycle. Yu-Ying Ng, first violin of the T’ang Quartet, plays the violin while Eileen plays the viola in the track written by Singapore composer Dr Kelly Tang. And true to form as a storyteller, Ivan shares an anecdote about the composer.
“I first met Kelly when a jazz band led by Jeremy Monteiro and the T’ang Quartet premiered one of his works. When the composer was introduced, I saw that he was seated on the same row as I was at the Esplanade Concert Hall. I walked over and said hello, and he asked me if I was friends with
the guys who played jazz. He seemed quite taken aback when I told him I was a friend of the four guys in the T’ang Quartet,” he says. “Perhaps it was my appearance. I really need to work at looking like a classical musician.”
Jokes aside, the experience as a musician with 3am Music Collective is a special one to Ivan.
“It was a joy for me to play with these two excellent musicians,” says Ivan. “And also a challenge: As a solo classical guitarist, I never have to bother about other musicians. Playing with Yu-Ying was a wonderful experience and such a privilege. While I was able to watch the T’ang Quartet rehearsing during the year and a half that I managed them, it was something else to perform with one of them,” he says. “It was also interesting to watch the dynamics between teacher and student – I realised only fairly recently that Yu-Ying was Eileen’s teacher,” he adds.
He has also been very impressed with the original works and performances by the local musicians in the collective’s song cycle.
“I’m telling you that the standards are quite amazing. There isn’t a single track in this song cycle that I did not enjoy, even though I hardly listen to anything apart from classical music,” says Ivan, who once edited a music and entertainment magazine and was also entertainment editor of The New Paper. He feels it is almost like theatre, a properly themed album that tracks the psychological and emotional journey of a person in depression.
“This is not just 10 songs written to make you feel happy. Sure, each track is uplifting in its own right, but each one dovetails into the next as part of a psychological journey. The entire song cycle is practically an ode to mental wellness,” he says.
Has any of the songs helped him on a personal level, emotionally or psychologically?
“Not yet,” he concedes.
“My go-to piece is Sergei Rachmaninov’s Piano Concerto No 2 in C minor Opus 18,” he adds. “That piece has a painfully-sad second movement which is followed by a triumphant third movement. A former girlfriend noticed that I would always play this piece when I was sad. In a way, I allow my soul to cry in the second movement, and by the end of the third move- ment, I’m ready to face the world again,” he says. “Incidentally, Rachmaninov was diagnosed with depression after the epic failure of the premier of his First Symphony. He didn’t write anything for years after that, but after treatment, this would be the first piece he wrote, at around 1901.”
That was almost 120 years ago.
“Yes, if I need something more contemporary, I’ll turn to 3am Music Collective’s 10-song cycle,” he says.
And what would he say to youngsters or young adults going through mental health conditions?
“I’d quote my friend, Ben Kranen, co-founder of 3am Music Collective. He, too, was diagnosed with and treated for depression a long time ago, and he said, ‘You’re not alone; we’re in this together.
“So don’t kill yourself!’ he says in jest.
“Listen to 3am Music Collective’s song cycle. It will lift your spirits. Reach out to someone you trust. Or reach out to us: 3am Music Collective is setting up a social media group for people who want to learn more about mental wellness or are going through a difficult time. There is a way out of the darkness. Let us help you to find it.”
STILL SEARCHING
Listen to New Me on Spotify, Apple Music, YouTube.
Composer: Dr Kelly Tang
Lyricist: Ben Kranen
Music producer: Edric Hwang|
Arranger: Edric Hwang
Violinist: Ng Yu-Ying
Guitarist: Ivan Lim
Violist: Eileen Chai
Recording engineer: Dino Ong & Jeremiah Chew
Recorded, mixed and mastered at GRYD
The peace that follows a thunderstorm.
There’s a pleasantly surprising and gentle spirituality within the young man from whose guitar blasts the thunderous chords of Silver Lining, the only heavy metal track in 3am Music Collective’s 10-Song Cycle.
“The intense energy and nature of this musical style is very powerful and has great potential to inspire, trans- form and liberate the mind from the shackled-chains of fear and miser- able doom while providing a soar-
ing level of hope and strength to the listener,” says Josh Leon, who wrote the music to Ben Kranen’s lyrics in the track sung by Rachel Lu.
Which is why it is helpful as a work to help those with troubled minds, he adds. In other words, blow away your woes, like dynamite.
Josh found himself drawn to the cause of 3am Music Collective be- cause of its noble intention of spread- ing awareness about mental health and providing hope for those having such conditions.
“My friendship with Eileen (Chai, co-founder of 3am MC) was a big fac- tor in my collaborating on this project and I hope what I do will benefit oth- ers,” he says.
“I do know several people close to me who have been suffering from various mental health issues. I can only imagine it being very challenging to be in these circumstances or situations,” says Joshua.
“It should not be ignored and it is very important to be highlighted and treated. In fact, it is quite common in human life especially with so much dissatisfac- tion around us.
“One of my hopes is to be able to be of benefit in a meaningful way, to help alleviate suffering.
“Proper methods of mindfulness and dealing with such adversities should be taught in schools and introduced in common society for the well- being of all.”
Listening to his song, which is bold, angst- ridden and loud without being jarring or strident, could be a start to overcoming, in his words, “the unnatural darkness which is obscuring the natural light innate in all of you”.
“In order to challenge complex situations and conditions, you require a powerful and effective antidote which can often seem unsettling at first especially to those not used to it, like this sort of music,” explains Josh.
He adds that the song will place the listener in previously unknown and uncharted territories of the mind.
“The essential nature of stillness and peace lies beyond the chaos and confusion of condi- tioning, so this song will cause a breakthrough, like a lightning bolt,” says Josh.
So listen to the thunderstorm that is Silver Lining, and its message. Peace will follow.
SILVER LINING
Listen to New Me on Spotify, Apple Music, YouTube.
Composer: Joshua Leon
Lyricist: Ben Kranen
Music producer: Edric Hwang|
Arranger: Edric Hwang
Vocalist: Rachel Lu
Guitarist: Joshua Leon
Violinist: Eileen Chai
Recording engineer: Dino Ong
Recorded, mixed and mastered at GRYD
Challenges? Bring It On, says Ben.
Mental wellness challenges, challenges for the recording of 3am Music Collective’s 10-song cycle, the challenge of writing a fitting finale for the collective’s musical adventure, and preparing for a concert are matters that 3am Music Collective’s co-founder Ben Kranen takes in his stride.
The final track of 3am Music Collective’s 10-song cycle – Bring It On – has been written, recorded and released. And for the man behind the anthemic song, it is not the end but a milestone in a project that became a lot bigger than he imagined it would when he first embarked on it.
“Every cause, every movement is an ongoing process,” says Ben Kranen, co-founder of 3am Music Collective, who wrote the lyrics and music to Bring It On.
“We started with just wanting to collaborate with friends that we knew, who shared the same views about mental health. We simply wanted to use music to give hope and show empathy to people with mental health issues,” he explains.
“Along the way, we began to collaborate with people whom we’ve never met – very talented singers and musicians,” Ben tells Z*Media.
All in, about 30 musicians and crew were involved in the writing, performing and recording of the 10 tracks – 3am Music Collective’s 10-song cycle – that depict the emotional odyssey of a person who suffers from a mental health illness, from discovery to recovery and beyond.
Bring It On is the finale, the end of the journey, and it marks the new beginning of a person ready to face the world again. The 10 tracks of various genres, which includes an all-instrument track and one in Mandarin, were recorded in three different studios.
Many of the artistes who are a part of 3am Music Collective are accomplished names in their own right, so for the composer, that was an added stress on top of having to write a song that was befitting of the curtain that brings the song cycle to a close.
“Well, I can’t deny that I felt a bit of pressure, obviously, writing the finale to the work of these fantastic musicians and fantastic producers,” concedes Ben.
He says he spent a lot more time on Bring It On than he normally would on a song, but insists it was worth it. In fact, he even threw out a few uncompleted versions before finally completing the work.
“I literally started from scratch three times,” says Ben of what seemed like a simple premise as far as the lyrics went: We’re all together and we will be happy and ready to face the world.
“It’s about being in the moment: breathing, hoping for the best, hoping for the future, having faith in the future, loving your friends and family – and I thought, why not reduce it to those three words? Breathe, hope, love, and then, bring it on, because then you’re ready for life. So that’s that’s really the gist of it. It’s that simple. If we can all do that, we can be happy,” explains Ben.
Next, he needed to write a tune that was simple, memorable and would express those words well.
“A simple tune that you haven’t heard like a million times before, but still has something that catches you, that you can immediately remember and sing along to. So I spent a lot of time getting that right because every note has to be right if you make such a simple tune,” says Ben.
“I hope when people hear it that they can remember singing along and it maybe sticks with them and they think of it and hopefully feel happier. So that’s the gist of it.”
Choosing an artiste to perform the song was the next part of the fun.
“We gave it a lot of thought and we wanted an artiste with strong stage presence who can deliver such a powerful song, and preferably someone who is known in the local scene.
“And very quickly, the names of Jack & Rai (Jack Ho and Sivadorai Sellakannu) came up. So when we approached them, they were immediately very enthusiastic about it and they immediately said, yes, we want to be part of it, and of course, we were very happy about it and it was such a joy working with them recording the song.
“They really understood what the song was about and deliv- ered it as such. I don’t think the song could have been done any better. Also, there was Edric Hwang, the producer who took the song to another level, giving it the anthemic feel that I wanted,” says Ben.
The fitting finale and the tracks preceding it will be performed in a 3am Music Collective online concert on Sept 27 during Beyond The Label Fest 2020, a virtual festival in support of mental wellness. 3am Music Collective is a group of musicians which endeavours – through its music – to promote awareness and acceptance of mental wellness issues and to remove prejudices and stigma associated with these in the hope that those suffer- ing can get the help they need without fear or shame.
“We wanted to create a concert for the 10-song cycle,” ex- plains Ben. “While looking for opportunities, we were blessed to have been given some support by the National Council of Social Services (NCSS) to run the performance for their Beyond The Label Fest 2020.”
So while his work as a songwriter in the 10-song cycle may have concluded, there’s still plenty to be done.
“We may have underestimated, a little, the sheer amount of work that this project would require. First of all, because there are so many stakeholders, getting all the tracks recorded was a very complex exercise,” explains Ben. First, he and co-founder Eileen Chai needed to get their musicians for each track of the 10-song cycle, and that meant a composer, a lyricist, a vocalist and instrumentalists (if required) for each track.
“Yes, it was a challenge,” says Ben. “Because we had very different genres of songs, we wanted to make sure we had the right musicians for the right songs, obviously.”
The artistes, said Ben, had to be willing and available.
“However, because it was a project that went through almost a year, some musicians who initially agreed to participate in this project weren’t able to do so eventually because of changing priorities. So we had to replace them with other mu- sicians, quite often within very tight deadlines,” explains Ben.
The collective has since overcome those challenges. But it was a fulfilling experience, too.
“Just working with such professional musicians and the different things each one brought to the table…I must say every single song turned out to be better than I dared to hope, especially, for me, the ones I was personally involved in, in writing or co-writing the song. They all put their best efforts in it and the final result is really fantastic. So that’s really, really rewarding.”
And now there remains the small matter of the concert. “The planning of the concert really pushed boundaries for me. I didn’t know how complex it was to plan a live event,” says Ben, whose responsibility is to get backing tracks ready in such a way it provides flexibility such that the volumes of the bass or drums can be adjusted during the performance, as well as providing cues (that can be detected in the performers’ in-ear monitors) so the performers know when to come in during a live show.
“Fortunately, because of the people behind the scenes – the audio engineers are very professional people who have given me very good insights and help as to how to address certain challenges,” says Ben.
As co-founder of 3am Music Collective, Ben hopes that the concert’s depiction of a mental-wellness journey would help people better understand what mental illness is about, and for those suffering from it, to see that there’s hope and to get help.
“We hope that if people feel depressed, they could maybe go to YouTube or Spotify and listen to our songs. And even if you don’t listen to the entire 10-song cycle, the whole arc of emotions – from very happy to pure anger – is there, so you would always find a song that fits your mood of that moment,” says Ben.
He hopes also that being part of the Beyond The Label Fest 2020 would help spread the word of the efforts of 3am Music Collective in extending the conversation on mental wellness.
“We hope people will be more open to discuss or open up about emotional health, and to take the view that emotional health is just like physical health – it can be treated if you are unwell and you don’t have to be shamed for it,” says Ben.
He has since noticed that more people are becoming willing to participate in this conversation, which is great for the cause of the collective.
“Musicians opened up and started talking about their own experiences, which may have been already initially why they agreed to participate in this cause
in the first place, even though they hadn’t mentioned it at the beginning. And likewise, when you bring it up in your circle of friends or among colleagues, they would very quickly say, ‘Oh, yeah, well, I had a period like that, but I didn’t dare to seek help.’ Or, ‘my best friend has suicidal thoughts’, and a lot of stories came up because of that. So it kind of opens that door,” says Ben.
“Mental health conversation will definitely continue, and we are glad that we are part of a growing conversation on this important issue,” adds Ben.
And beyond the concert, 3am Music Collective will set up a Facebook group to continue musicians’ collaborations – to sing and perform songs about mental health, to give hope and show empathy to people with troubled minds, says Ben.
“Through this platform, we will continue to talk about mental health.”
Indeed, the finale of the 10-song cycle may have been released, the 3am Music Collective concert is coming soon, but the endeavours of the group are far from over.
“We intend to continually do all we can – through our music – to remove the prejudices, and to give people the courage to seek the professional help they need,” says Ben.
BRING IT ON
Listen to New Me on Spotify, Apple Music, YouTube.
Composer: Ben Kranen
Lyricist: Ben Kranen
Music producer: Edric Hwang|
Arranger: Edric Hwang
Vocalists: Jack and Rai
Violinist: Eileen Chai
Recording engineer: Dino Ong
Recorded, mixed and mastered at GRYD
Music Video Producer: Alvin Oon
A comforting presence – even when out of his comfort zone.
YOU’VE probably heard Jack and Rai – Singapore’s most famous guitar-playing pop-rock duo – or at least heard of them. But have you seen them performing without their guitars?
Z*Media hasn’t. And we suspect, neither have Jack and Rai.
But the duo went out of their comfort zone, abandoning their guitars briefly, to record the final track of 3am Music Collective’s 10-song cycle, Bring It On.
“The song is in a genre that Jack (Ho) and I aren’t too familiar with… we’re always so used to holding our guitars and belting pop-rock songs… so something which was a little more electro-pop is new to us in a way.
“But a song is essentially melody and lyrics, so once we were familiar with those, we went forward with it,” explains Sivadorai Sellakannu, or Rai, as most people know him.
Rai has known 3am Music Collective co-founder Eileen Chai for more than a decade now, when they were both educators and athletes.
“I met Eileen in the teaching service more than 10 years back, and being in the same age group and a young sportsman as well, I always respected her as a multi-talented athlete. Little did I know I’d be jamming with her years later. Her brother, Daniel, is also someone I have a lot of respect for in the industry.
“So when she mentioned this idea to us, and the messaging involved, it was easy for me to say yes,” he says.
The message from 3am Music Collective, of course, is the 10-song cycle which details the emotional odyssey of someone who goes through depression. The collective endeavours to create more awareness and promote more acceptance of mental health issues in order to remove the stigma and prejudices attached to these so that those suffering can get the help they so desperately need without fear or shame.
“Personally, I’ve never been diagnosed with a mental health issue, though I have had people I know who have suffered from mental health issues. The reality is, you never know when it can happen, whether an issue, like depression, is clinical or caused by trauma,” says Rai. And though without the benefit of experience of depression himself, he is familiar with it, having studied sports psychology in university, and reviewing literature about mental health and exercise.
He worries about his fellow artists during these trying times and hopes people open up to talk about their feelings.
“This Covid-19 period especially, has put several people out of job and naturally, we’d all be affected in some way or other. I do worry for my fellow artists especially those who sound like they are at breaking point.
“Jack and I keep each other in good spirits and motivated by pressing on in various undertakings together, but we also discuss our concerns and thoughts as well. For us, I feel it’s good we get to talk, not just to each other but to our friends as well. You never know who needs just a good conversation to not feel alone,” says Rai, who has sadly lost friends who took their own lives because of depression.
“It is a real problem, and I hope people don’t dismiss those who need help. Even during my days as a school teacher, it was important to look out for students knowing that the rising number of suicide cases among the young is alarming,” he explains.
One of the first things he does, by way of looking out, is to listen.
“There isn’t a need to solve anyone’s problems immediately, but being a listening ear, I feel, helps a lot. If one is untrained in managing mental health issues, it could be better not to intervene too much. Advise the person to seek professional help instead.
“Importantly, we don’t want to make a person feel judged for having a mental health issue. Emotional support is vital to recovery and helping someone cope,” he adds.
Rai feels that, like the message of the song, Bring It On, “it’s better not to think too much about what people are going to say, how they perceive you”.
“Things will never go your way all the time,” he says. “So it’s good to sit back, take check, breathe and look within oneself, instead of being affected by all these factors that are out of your locus of control.”
The uplifting nature of Bring It On resonates with the personal philosophy of Jack and himself, he adds.
“We have had great times, but also really s**t times in our career, and as the song goes, whatever comes, just bring it on and we will tackle these by trying to be our best,” says Rai.
And tried their best, they did. At GRYD, recording Bring It On.
“It’s a different experience, singing a song that you didn’t write or arrange the music for. But the challenge was fun, and the guys from GRYD, Edric and Dino (producer Edric Hwang and recording engineer Dino Ong) are also easy to work with. Ben (3am MC co-founder, Ben Kranen, who wrote the song), Edric and Dino made it even more of a fun afternoon recording. Plus GRYD has got a lot of awesome gear!
“For me personally, it was a matter of fulfilling the songwriter, Ben’s vision of the song… it’s always not easy to watch someone else deliver what you wrote, but I really hope that we managed to nail it.”
We’re pretty certain they did, being the very professional musicians they’re known to be.
A brief and humble note from Rai about his musical journey so far: “I’ve been a musician for over 20 years now. Started off with bar venues for a good six to seven years before getting spotted to do more events, as well as TV and Radio work. Some major milestones include Jack and I writing and releasing our own music, which got us some recognition in the music industry, and we proceeded to become commercial writers as well, writing songs for local TV series, as well as Disney Channel Asia trailers.
“As a band, we’ve shared the stage with international acts like INXS, Level 42, Go West, Daughtry, Rachel Yamagata and A-Mei. We were also privileged to have worked with Ethan Mentzer (of The Click 5) on a track called Tryin’, which we recorded in New York. He has such a good ear and was really great to work with. I have no regrets being a musician…it has given me so many experiences that are irreplaceable, and I have met such a diverse range of people in my years as a musician. I wouldn’t trade it for anything.”
Rai feels that, as a musician, he has the privilege of being able to reach out to those in need of comfort.
“As an artist, and as a student, a phrase has always called out to me, and I learned this from acting class actually: Being a voice for the voiceless. Music doesn’t need to have mass appeal to be appreciated… it just needs to be appreciated by those who can relate to the message. By sharing my experiences as a person, in the form of music, and someone else can have a listen and say, ‘Hey, I feel that way too and I’m not alone.’
“I can always recall the times when listening to others’ music has helped me through some tough times. And I’d love to do the same for others.”
BRING IT ON
Listen to New Me on Spotify, Apple Music, YouTube.
Composer: Ben Kranen
Lyricist: Ben Kranen
Music producer: Edric Hwang|
Arranger: Edric Hwang
Vocalists: Jack and Rai
Violinist: Eileen Chai
Recording engineer: Dino Ong
Recorded, mixed and mastered at GRYD
Music Video Producer: Alvin Oon
Dr Ken Ung: The stigma of mental illness is so bad that some don’t dare to tell their own family.
When it comes to mental health issues, the wall of stigma is so bad that some sufferers don’t even dare to tell members of their immediate family.
This is what Dr Ken Ung, Senior Consultant Psychiatrist and Psychotherapist at Pacific Healthcare and friend of 3am Music Collective, has observed.
Dr Ung, who has been in the practice of psychiatry since 1988, told Z*Media: “The stigma is both real and causes a big problem.”
For example, says Dr Ung, declaring that you have a mental illness when you apply for a job could get your application thrown into the bin and stating that you have a mental illness in your insurance application could mean having it rejected or premiums hiked.
“I even see patients who are scared to tell their immediate family!” he adds. “Friends, partners and husbands may not understand or want to understand and leave the friendship or relationship.”
And the worst effect of such a stigma is that it prevents those who need help from getting it.
“Those who suffer more serious conditions may not want to seek help in a hospital – because it will forever be in their record,” explains Dr Ung.
He recognises, though, that there are efforts to break down this wall of stigma. Last year, for instance, the Institute of Mental Health (IMH) along with the National Council of Social Services (NCSS) and partners, organised Together Against Stigma – a biennial global conference in its 9th international edition that addressed the stigma and issues that continue to plague persons with mental health conditions. Themed, Beyond The Label – Towards An Inclusive Society, it was held last October at the Sands Expo & Convention Centre.
Dr Ung says he particularly liked a video that was shown during the conference in which sufferers talked about the stigma they had to put up with.
“They did in a nice way – the sufferers asked lay people at random how they felt about people with mental illness before revealing that they too were sufferers. It brought up so many common misconceptions – don’t hire them, they are dangerous, they are bad, they can’t do the work, better to just avoid, they are mad,” says Dr Ung.
Dr Ung concedes that it won’t be easy to break down the wall of stigma, though he believes things are getting better when it comes to mental health matters.
“That’s not easy – prejudice and stigma have been present since mental illness was present. I think it is better now that there is more awareness and education as well as widespread help available through schools, family service centres, polyclinics and hospitals,” he says.
He adds that having to provide remote counselling because of Covid-19 is a positive from the pandemic.
“One small positive side effect of Covid-19 is that professionals such as myself are being forced to become more IT savvy and to offer remote counselling and services,” says Dr Ung. It means that those who are reluctant to see someone face to face for treatment now have another option.
“It seems safer for some and later, with some trust, they often are OK to go for a face-to-face counselling session.”
Which is partly how the SOS helpline is useful.
“It’s immediate and anonymous and you don’t have to go anywhere – just pick up the phone,” he explains. He hopes that sufferers of mental illness can use such technology as an option, especially if they have reservations about going for a face-to-face meeting to talk about their condition.
Dr Ung also finds that mental health issues that are addressed in fictional TV drama can help open up people’s understanding of mental health conditions.
“I notice that almost every drama series on TV includes some portrayal of different mental conditions. For instance, there’s eating disorder and bipolar disorder in Tanglin, dissociative identity disorder in Kin’, depression and post-traumatic stress disorder ( PTSD) in 118, and bipolar disorder in Homeland,” says Dr Ung. Which is a good thing as it brings up issues and breaks down misconceptions a bit, as awareness as a result of such exposure helps.
He would also like to see governmental Institutions and companies play a bigger part in accepting people with mental illness and creating more awareness of mental health issues.
“At the end of the day, the sufferer is looking for action to follow on from words and promises – there’s nothing like hiring someone with mental illness and walking the talk! I am glad that major corporations such as Jardine Cycle and Carriage are very pro-active and have involvement from the CEO down – once again, there’s nothing like it coming from the top.
“Community groups such as Singapore Association for Mental Health (SAMH) and Singapore Anglican Welfare (SAWC) have been very helpful to offer community support. IMH has also been instrumental in education programmes. So a lot is being done – but at the end of the day it is going to be individuals who care and want to help – like you guys (3am Music Collective), families and corporations, who, again are willing to care and help, who are going to make the difference to break the stigma,” he says.
Meanwhile, as a mental health professional, he has this advice for those who want to help those suffering from mental wellness issues: “I would ask myself if I can help and if I am the best person to help. For example, if I am not close to the person, I might try to think of someone whom the person is close to or trusts. If I have a close and trusting relationship with the person, I would share my concerns with the person – for example, saying I notice they looked troubled or worried, and whether they would feel OK to tell me about it. If they are not, then someone whom they trust more could be the better person.”
“If they are open, I would even ask if I can recommend someone for them to see or arrange that for them or go with them.”
Dr Ung came to know about 3am Music Collective through its co-founder, Eileen Chai.
“Eileen came to me some time ago for some help with processing the emotions she was going through at that time and during our conversations, she would share about her music and passion to help others,” explains Dr Ung. He met the musicians in 3am Music Collective last year.
“I don’t have a background in music and entertainment so I did not know the rest of the group. But we had a meeting last year and I was struck by how candid some were in sharing their journey to recovering from psychological issues and stuff and again I was touched by their passion, warmth and sincerity, especially wishing to help others and to break down the wall of stigma in sufferers,” he adds.
Considering so many of the artists involved with 3am Music Collective have their own story of mental illness, Dr Ung tells Z*Media that there is a connection between being an artist and having a mental health condition.
“Some years ago, the psychiatrist Kay Jamison (who herself suffers from bipolar disorder) decided to study artistic types to see if they did have more mental health disorders and they do! The composer Gustav Mahler (who is believed to have suffered from bipolar disorder) is an example – you can see the years when he is depressed – usually zero compositions and when high, very many. Some experts wonder if it’s because the genes for artistry and that for mood disorders are close to each other so they tend to transmit together,” he explains.
It is co-founder Eileen’s own experience with mental illness that has led to the creation of 3am Music Collective, which endeavours to create awareness and acceptance of mental health issues through music, and to break down prejudices and the stigma attached to mental illness so those suffering can get the help they need without fear or shame.
“I think it is an absolutely wonderful way to do it,” says Dr Ung. “It helps those share their stories through music and their personal experience of mental health and to connect with those suffering in a non-threatening and meaningful way.
“But I think Eileen is working way too hard on this – so she must rest and chill more!” says Dr Ung. He would know – he is, after all, someone she has turned to for help with her own mental health. It’s all good though, says Dr Ung.
“I am touched by Eileen’s passion – and likewise all of 3am Music Collective – to help others.”
Listen to 3am Music Collective 10Song-cycle music: Spotify, Apple Music, YouTube.
一个地方 His song of hope for the troubled mind.
He lost a former classmate through depression – which ended with her suicide.
Roy Li, well known in the local music scene for his Mandarin song compositions and also as a pioneer of the Xinyao movement, regrets not responding to what he now understands was probably a cry for help.
“We had an ex-classmate who suffered from depression and took her own life,” explains Roy in Mandarin to Z*Media. “We had no idea what she was going through before that.
“She just called us suddenly and said that she wanted to meet, but we were all caught up in our daily lives – our work and family commitments, and we all were all unable to make time for what we thought was a regular class reunion.”
That was the last time he and the rest of his former classmates heard from her, because she took her own life shortly after that.
“A week after her call to us, I was shocked to hear the news of her suicide. We often think now that we should have done something for her, to have done more to set aside some time for the meeting when she called for it,” adds Roy.
So when 3am Music Collective’s co-founder Eileen Chai approached him to collaborate for the cause of promoting awareness and acceptance of mental health conditions such as depression and anxiety as an illness so those suffering may overcome the stigma and prejudice and get the help they need without fear or shame, he said yes quite readily.
“Eileen is a friend whom I’ve known for a long time, and I’ve alway appreciated her ideals as well as her dedication to music,” says Roy. “She called me to explain to me the concept behind 3am Music Collective, and I found it meaningful and creative. And of course, because of her involvement and support for local music, I agreed to compose a song for the cause.”
That song is the only Mandarin track in 3am Music Collective’s 10-song cycle, A Place (一個地方).
Roy wrote the music and lyrics of A Place, which is performed by Jenix Ee in the recording. According to him, the song reflects the situation that a person recovering from mental health issues would be in, with friends for support.
“No matter how many great setbacks you have to go through, and no matter how much difficulty you may encounter, don’t give up and don’t lose confidence. You must believe that there are many people around you who care about you,” he exhorts.
Roy says he left the production of the song completely in the hands of Eileen, and is happy with the result.
“Jenix sang it very well, expressing the thought that went into the lyrics and music of the song,” says Roy, who has worked with both international and local artistes of the highest.
“I have loved listening to English rock songs since I was a child,” says Roy, explaining his own musical odyssey. “I started to write songs during the Xinyao period and formed a Xinyao singing group. I never thought of how far the road of music would lead, and I rushed down this road with raw and youthful energy when I started out, creating my own album in 1988.”
That journey has gone on, and Roy has worked with such eminent names as Jacky Cheung, Andy Lau, Elva Hsiao, Daniel Chan, Eric Moo, Jeff Chang and A-Do, writing and producing music for these.
“I still enjoy helping a singer create songs, and being behind the scenes as a music producer has always been my ideal, creatively,” quips Roy.
He also feels strongly that musicians can reach the hearts of people who are down.
“No matter how moody a person is, no matter how sad, it’s hard to resist music,” says Roy. “A song can make you dance with joy, and can heal and soothe. It can make your mood better as well as calm you down. The lyrics can make you think more deeply, and the dynamic range of a song’s arrangement – the loudness and softness of its various parts – can affect your mood. Also, the voice of the singer can open up your imagination,” he expounds.
For Roy, music provides a means for people to connect with one another.
“Musicians create music, but it is the human touch that soothes the soul, and brings comfort to those who are depressed,” he adds.
For now, Roy hopes his song will be of help to those whose minds are troubled.
“I hope that the song – A Place – can be heard by many, and that they can be touched by its meaning. The melody is healing and the lyrics are a soothing balm.
“I hope listeners can absorb its positive energy and feel its warmth.”
一個地方 A Place
Listen to New Me on Spotify, Apple Music, YouTube.
Composer: Roy Li Fei Hui 黎沸揮
Lyricist: Roy Li Fei Hui 黎沸揮
Music Producer: Edric Hwang
Arranger: Edric Hwang
Vocalist: Jenix Ee 余慧玲
Violinist: Eileen Chai
Recording Engineer: Dino Ong
Recorded, mixed and mastered at GRYD
No Experience? No Problem: Jenix just wants to help.
JENIX Ee has never been diagnosed with depression, anxiety, or any other mental health condition, but that doesn’t stop her from wanting to do her part to help those suffering from it.
“I’ve no experience with mental health issues,” she tells Z*Media. The singer, who performs the vocals on 3am Music Collective’s only Mandarin song, A Place (一个地方), was approached by the collective’s co-founder, Eileen Chai, whom she first met in 2004 when they performed Xinyao at a music festival in Chengdu. Xinyao is a contemporary Mandarin vocal genre unique to Singapore that emerged between the late 1970s to 1980.
Not having had any experience with mental health matters hasn’t dampened her interest in the cause, which seeks to create more awareness and acceptance of the illness as a medical condition, and Jenix feels she is in a good position to contribute to it.
“I think 3am Music Collective’s current project is very meaningful,” she says. “It helps to spread mental health awareness to the public, through songs.”
And as a singer, especially one lending her vocal talent to the recording of the Mandarin track in 3am Music Collective’s 10-song cycle, she feels she can help bring that message across.
“Who doesn’t listen to songs, right?” she says. “Moreover, social media platforms with music are so powerful now,” adds the singer who began her music career singing in a music cafe that focused on the Xinyao genre.
“I have since shared the stage with Xinyao pioneers like Roy Li, Pan Ying and Hong Shaoxuan,” she says. She has also performed in live venues such as Shuffle, Obar Livehouse and Unplugged, as well as for private events and wedding gigs.
“Making a living out of music in Singapore isn’t easy,” she says. “I’m thankful that I have the support of my loved ones.”
In a sense, it is family and community that have helped her progress in her career, and that, in a way, is a parallel to what the song, A Place, is about.
“The song, A Place, is about the care and support from the community – family, friends and even medical professionals – who help lead a person suffering from mental illness to the path of recovery. So when singing the song, I tried to express gratitude and happiness,” explains Jenix.
“Dino, the recording engineer was very meticulous,” says jenix of her session, which took five hours. “He also guided me well with the backing vocals for the song, which I’m very thankful for. I felt I had reached a new level of accomplishment after the recording,” she adds.
So despite having never experienced depression, Jenix hopes to be part of “A Place” that is a community of caregivers for those needing help when it comes to their mental wellness.
“Show as much care and support as you can for those around you who need help,” she says. “Just a little help matters a lot to them.”
一個地方 A Place
Listen to New Me on Spotify, Apple Music, YouTube.
Composer: Roy Li Fei Hui 黎沸揮
Lyricist: Roy Li Fei Hui 黎沸揮
Music Producer: Edric Hwang
Arranger: Edric Hwang
Vocalist: Jenix Ee 余慧玲
Violinist: Eileen Chai
Recording Engineer: Dino Ong
Recorded, mixed and mastered at GRYD
Mental illness, like music, can touch anybody, never mind your age, race or gender.
MUSIC touches everybody – similar in the way that the pain of mental illnesses can affect everyone, regardless of age, gender or race.
And while most musicians would focus their concentration on doing one particular genre of music, the beauty of 3am Music Collective is that it is a collection of musical ideas around a single message, says music label owner Ong Jin Jie.
Jin Jie, or JJ, is boss of Pink Flamingo Records, which distributes the tracks of 3am Music Collective’s 10-song cycle.
“Many artists identify with one particular genre but the beautiful thing about 3am Music Collective is that it’s not bound by any genre restrictions,” says JJ, who draws a fascinating comparison of this unfettered musical output with how mental illness touches people.
“It’s much like mental illnesses, which is not bound by age, gender or race – it could affect anyone. 3am Music Collective strings its music together with a common message, which is what makes it stand out,” explains JJ, who, much like the work of the collective as well as the cause it stands for, isn’t bound by just one particular job description.
“Apart from running a label, I do multiple things for a living, including writing music, being a digital content strategist as well as teaching in Singapore Polytechnic and other diploma courses,” says JJ. And his refusal to be pinned down to one specific job gave him a sort of identity crisis.
“Because I do multiple things, I used to struggle with my identity. Social norms usually dictate that we do one thing and one thing well. So it was difficult because I enjoy doing multiple things.
In the end, I accepted that it is OK to not be identified by a single aspect of what you do for work and embrace the fact that we can do multiple things and build a sustainable career,” explains JJ.
There is, however, one challenge that remains for the multi-talented JJ.
“I think the thing about being a freelancer/self-employed person is that you have to learn to deal with instability and accept that things won’t always be smooth sailing,” he says. So his various endeavours are what he does to build up multiple income sources over time to ensure, in his words, “financial stability”.
His work is strung by a common thread: music, along with a need to enjoy what he does.
“I do multiple things – but music is always a big part of my life! I don’t identify particularly with any part of my various jobs or what I do. However, I enjoy most of what I do which is why I do it in the first place!”
And beyond that, it’s about touching lives through his work. He explains: “In the end, it’s all about the music and how we can make small differences to the lives of people, through music.”
Inevitably, touching the lives of people would include looking to their mental well-being.
“I have people who are really close to me suffering from pretty bad mental-health conditions,” says JJ. “It’s extremely tough because as much as you try to empathise, it is almost impossible for another individual to understand what someone else is truly going through.”
Bearing that in mind, he thinks it’s best to help by simply being around rather than to make things worse by offering counsel without any professional training or expertise.
“The best I can do is to always be there, be around, rather than attempt to help them, which might make things worse,” he explains.
He believes that being aware of mental illness is important, even if he hasn’t suffered from a breakdown himself.
“I think everyone is depressed or has some mental wellness issues, to a certain extent,” he says. “Some of these may be mild, while others could be detrimental to normal functions.
“Which is why awareness is so important. Personally, I have not been clinically diagnosed with any mental illness. However, having seen people around me with mental illness has made me see the importance of mental health awareness,” says JJ, who came to be aware of 3am Music Collective’s work through co-founder Eileen Chai. And he is happy to be part of the conversation leading to better awareness and acceptance of mental illness so those suffering from it may seek help without fear or shame.
“Awareness is built by having constant conversations about a particular topic and with 3am Music Collective’s music releases, I think it allows people out there who might be dealing with mental health issues feel less alone, and that there are others out there dealing with similar situations, to help them feel less alone,” says JJ.
3am Music Collective music
Listen on Spotify, Apple Music, YouTube.
Becka: A Voice for Hope & Change.
SHE’s in an industry where image is such a big thing, and for a long time, struggled with the insecurity that she could be a long way off from the media’s portrayal of ideal beauty.
“Growing up, I had a lot of insecurities about my body and my self-image,” says singer-songwriter Rebecca Tan, who goes by the moniker, Becka. “As much as I don’t want the media’s portrayal of beauty to influence how I feel about myself, it is hard to be objective when you are constantly flooded with advertisements on a daily basis. It has been a long journey getting to where I am today, comfortable and confident in my own skin.”
And while she has prevailed, Becka, who sings 3am Music Collective’s eighth track in the 10-song cycle, New Me, explains that the struggle remains very real.
“I’ll admit there are still times where I catch myself being overly critical about a certain part of my body,” she says. So in order to maintain her level of confidence, she focuses instead on what she felt were her strengths.
“I discovered that working on my strengths was one of the best ways to cultivate a healthier sense of self confidence. I chose to focus on the parts of myself that I felt good about. I started exercising more regularly and along the way, found communities of people who encouraged me and made me feel better about myself.”
Becka learnt about 3am Music Collective through Daniel Chai, elder brother of the collective’s co-founder, Eileen Chai. It was Daniel who wrote and produced the song, New Me.
“After hearing more about the initiative, I was very keen to lend my voice as I thought it was a meaningful way to help contribute to mental health awareness,” says Becka.
“Being in the arts and entertainment industry where keeping up a certain image is a huge thing, I have had experience working with friends suffering from depression and anxiety issues. I think it always helps to be able to listen with an open mind and to engage with empathy,” explains Becka, who was once signed as an artiste to local label Red Roof Records but has since gone down the independent route.
And being independent means she has to wear many hats.
“From being my own agent and answering queries to writing my own songs and working with music distributors. I released my single, Call Me, earlier this year – which was my pride and joy,” she says.
Becka also performs as a vocal sessionist with such internationally-acclaimed artistes as Angela Zhang and Azora as a backup vocalist.
“Being on tour is an incredibly exciting experience for me. I’m grateful for the opportunity to see the world and do what I love at the same time. I love waking up in different cities every other weekend and hearing the roar of 30,000 fans screaming. I enjoy the adrenaline rush each time we hit the stage and there is nothing like the electrifying energy that bounces off between the performers and the audience,” says Becka.
But on quieter days when she isn’t on stage facing a horde of fans, Becka may be found in a studio working with the likes of Daniel on a song like New Me.
“The recording process was a smooth-sailing one. It is always a joy working with Daniel Chai. I appreciate his positive, respectful and easy-going attitude. He had a clear vision from the start and was able to communicate it to me in a coherent manner every step of the way. That, to me, is one of the most valuable traits a producer should have. As such, the recording process was enjoyable and almost effortless,” says Becka.
“The song is written in a beautiful way. It is sincere and honest. When I was brought onto the song and the project, the writing for New Me was actually already completed and my sole role was to sing the composed parts. As the vocalist for the song, I felt responsible for relaying accurately the message that the songwriter (Daniel) wanted this song to have,” explains Becka. And the message was one she felt resonated with her own life experience.
“It is a message about transformation and hope, which are two themes that feature strongly in my journey of finding my personal identity and place as a singer songwriter. I’m sure listeners would find it easy to relate in this sense,” adds Becka.
This message of hope and transformation would no doubt be of great comfort to a troubled mind, says Becka.
“These two themes go hand in hand in helping create a better future for individuals struggling with mental health issues. I hope for listeners to know that it’s OK to not be OK, and to always remember that there is always a possibility for healing and for change,” she explains.
And as 3am Music Collective endeavours to spread awareness and acceptance, through music, of mental health issues in order to remove the stigmas and prejudices so those suffering from it can get the help and treatment they need without fear or shame, Becka feels that music is a wonderful medium for healing, and is happy to lend her vocals to such a cause.
“Many times I, myself, have turned to music when I’m feeling down and under and it never fails to soothe my soul. Music lifts my spirits and I hope that I am able to lift the spirits of others with the music that I create. I believe we should all consciously work towards adopting a more open and accepting attitude when it comes to mental health issues and realise that the sufferers need a stronger voice. We, as artistes, could be that voice for them.”
New Me
Listen to New Me on Spotify, Apple Music, YouTube.
Music producer: Daniel Chai
Music arranger: Daniel Chai
Lead vocals: Becka
Backing vocals: Becka
Lyrics: Daniel Chai
Music: Daniel Chai
Melody: Daniel Chai, Inch Chua
Guitars: Daniel Chai
Violin: Eileen Chai
Recorded, mixed and mastered by Daniel Chai at Daniels Room
Daniel’s desire is for more openness in discussing mental health matters.
He is the creative force behind 3am Music Collective’s latest release, New Me, and he has a relationship with 3am MC’s co-founder, Eileen Chai. Meet Daniel Chai, Elieen’s big brother. “My involvement with 3am Music Collective is three-fold,” explains Daniel, a career musician who has worked with some of the top names in Mandarin pop.
“Firstly, as Eileen’s brother,” he says.
“Secondly, as a producer/arranger/ songwriter/musician.
“And thirdly, as a creative who struggles with mental health issues as well.”
Daniel and Eileen grew up in very sepa- rate worlds, but their love and admiration for each other is mutual and very strong.
“Eileen has always been very driven in achieving her goals, even at a young age,” says Daniel. “This was especially so with her sports career. I think I wasn’t of much help in the growing years as we were pretty much in our own world with either her training and our schooling.
“In fact, it was only much later that I was aware of these mental health issues. But I am glad that help was sought and she is in a better place now to help herself and others.”
Daniel says that for the track, New Me, he tried to write her story as he under- stood it, but in a more poetic manner.
“Some of the lyrics seem generic and that was intentional; so that whoever hears the song and reads the words can have something to relate to as well,” he adds.
Daniel, too, has his fair share of struggles with mental wellness, which is something he thinks creative people go through a lot.
“I think, like most creative people, I have my share of bouts and waves of mental health issues as well. Some days you just don’t feel like getting out of bed as things might seem over- whelming. But I think there are de- grees of anxiety attacks and depres- sion and my personal mental health issues have never been too severe. I think my faith and the fact that I have a pretty stoic attitude in life have helped me stave off any major lapses into any severe spiral,” says Daniel.
When he isn’t working on 3am Music Collective’s musical output, the sessions guitarist is suitably occupied with work in concerts and tours as a guitarist, musical theatre as a pit musi- cian and of course, production work as a music producer.
“The highlights of my tour and mu- sic production work include working with Stefanie Sun, Kit Chan, Corrinne May and JJ Lin. I have played in nu- merous local and international musi- cal theatre productions including The Lion King, Chorus Line and various fantastic productions by homegrown theatre companies like Wild Rice, Pangdemonium, Dream Academy, Sing Theatre and Toy Factory,” says Daniel.
His work as a musician has seen him come into contact with some of the best talents in the music business, and for New Me, he decided that local talent Becka was should be the voice for the song.
“I’ve known Becka for quite a while now. We were actually on a world tour with Angela Zhang before the coronavirus pandemic hit. Becka is super professional and easy to work with. And of course she is crazy talented and has a beautiful voice,” explains Daniel of his choice of singer for the song.
Several names came up during his discus- sions with 3am MC’s co-founders, Eileen and Ben Kranen about who should sing the song, but eventually, Daniel felt that the task had to go to Becka.
“The deeper I got in the process of crafting the song, the more certain I was that Becka would be the perfect person to sing it,” says Daniel.
Daniel is happy to be involved with 3am Mu- sic Collective as he feels that any endeavour towards creating awareness and acceptance of mental health issues as an illness so those who are suffering from it may receive help without fear or shame will be a very good one.
“I think any step towards the recognition of mental health as an issue is always encour- aging. Any form of help that promotes open discussions of mental health is always going to be positive,” says Daniel.
“So my hope is that this song, New Me, will help in pushing this call for more awareness that these issues exist and need to be addressed.”
New Me
Listen to New Me on Spotify, Apple Music, YouTube.
Music producer: Daniel Chai
Music arranger: Daniel Chai
Lead vocals: Becka
Backing vocals: Becka
Lyrics: Daniel Chai
Music: Daniel Chai
Melody: Daniel Chai, Inch Chua
Guitars: Daniel Chai
Violin: Eileen Chai
Recorded, mixed and mastered by Daniel Chai at Daniels Room
Let me entertain you.
Even when times are hard, Alvin Oon remains focused to find the strength to keep everyone’s – including his – spirits up.
You may have seen him or his work somewhere: His shows (he’s a performer, a show host, an event organiser and a TV actor) his music (he’s a singer, a composer and a music arranger) his designs (he’s a visual designer) or his videos (he’s a video producer and editor with many a viral video to his name).
Yet someone as talented as the multi-talented Alvin Oon is going through – as many of us are – a tough time during this slump as the coronavirus pandemic takes its toll on our way of life. Alvin, however, is probably smiling as you read this, unlike many of us can find precious little reason to do so. And it’s down to his mental resilience.
“Mental resilience, to me, is all about being focused. We need to define the core reason why we do what we do,” he explains. “There will always be negative factors and influences in life that get you down or discourage you, but if you keep focused and stay true to the reason you embarked on something, you will stay the course and make the difference.”
This focus of his has also meant he always puts his best efforts in his endeavours and passion, and to keep learning and adapting.
“I’ve seen myself evolving over the years,” he says. “It keeps me relevant, updated and better equipped to be able to contribute to society and the nation.”
And he says it’s a conscious decision to remain positive in a time when everybody is feeling the impact on their financial, physical, emotional and mental well-being.
“It’s hard to remain consistently strong over an extended period of time,” he concedes. “We all have our good days and bad ones, we are all only human. But we must make the good days count and overcome the bad ones.
“We must decide if we want to be a positive light coming out of this pandemic or let the virus destroy who we are as individuals and as a community,” he adds. “We must find the strength to stay the course from our inner selves, with support from family and friends.”
This positive attitude also helped him to find his own purpose during these difficult times, he says.
“When Singapore’s Circuit Breaker kicked in, I decided that if others had roles to play in fighting this pandemic, I would create a role for myself, too,” he said. “I was very focused on bringing some joy to people who are stuck at home via social media, it was also a pleasant surprise that my efforts have also been helpful to those from faraway lands.”
During this period, he has produced a few funny parody music videos, started a weekly online game show which he hosted a talk show with interesting topics for viewers to tune in.
“My efforts have always been to make people happy,” he explains, so giving people something to look forward to and making people smile, especially during these difficult times, has been a priceless experience for him.
“Being equipped and having learnt so much over the years (in events and entertainment), I felt I was in a good position to do positive things for others. It also helps keep me on my toes and feel that I contributed something to the mental well-being of others,” he says.
Alvin came to know about 3am Music Collective through its co-founder, Eileen Chai.
“We have been friends for eight years now, and have done fun creative projects together. We would also confide in each other, and she has shared with me her personal struggles with mental health,” says Alvin. So when Eileen revealed her desire to help those who are suffering from mental illness, the natural reaction, according to Alvin, was to support her efforts.
Which he has done by producing a promotional video that serves as an introduction of 3am Music Collective.
Alvin has always made time for people with depression, anxiety and other mental-wellness issues.
“In the past, when mental-health issues were not apparent or understood, I would always make time for friends who were down or just went silent,” he says. And he feels that just a little effort to be there to listen would go a long way in helping somebody suffering from depression or anxiety.
“I may not have the answers or solutions to their problems but it comforts the ones suffering that they are not alone, and this gives them strength to carry on,” he says.
And for him, recognising the situation for what it is would help in managing it.
“During this pandemic, there are personal anxieties, most of them work related, or rather, the lack of work. The events and entertainment sector is hard hit with very few jobs available and it looks to remain so for a while more.
“With monthly bills to pay and living expenses, not having any income is unnerving and worrying. It is important for me to recognise the problem, manage it and not let it overwhelm me.
“Keeping busy and contributing where I can, helps in managing the situation.
Alvin, who has had an illustrious career in entertainment, started out as a performer at a theme park during a time when performers weren’t a highly-regarded species.
“People thought of performers only as those who worked in night clubs, so it was a challenge then to change the mindset, especially of my parents, that being a performer could be a job that I could base my career on,” he says.
Today, 30 years on, with society maturing and the standing of performers improving tremendously, the challenges are different: Audiences have matured correspondingly and are now more demanding, hence people like him have to keep improving.
“I use the analogy from stilt walking that I learnt years ago,” says Alvin of his quest to constantly develop as a performer. “To stay up and keep balanced, one must keep moving to counterbalance each step. The moment you stop moving, you will fall.”
And now, with precious little in the way of paid work, he has used this opportunity to push ahead: by learning to do ‘live’ streaming broadcasts to host the aforesaid online game shows and talks.
“It is something new but with the right mental attitude, one can learn fast and pick up skills along the way. It brings me joy to make people happy which is one of the reasons I am still doing it today,” he adds.
He also feels that people in his business can help spread awareness and acceptance of mental health issues.
“Music and the arts help everyone – with aural and visual stimulation. It serves as an outlet for some and as a connection for others when they can relate to what they see and hear. 3am Music Collective sets out clearly to focus on helping and connecting those with mental and emotional challenges.
“With focused direction and the talents that have signed up to support the cause, it plays an important role in engaging and reaching out to those who need help and who may be quietly suffering,” says Alvin.
Indeed, helping those quietly suffering and keeping spirits up is what Alvin performs best at.
Who We Are – 3am Music Collective promotional video.
Video by Alvin Oon
Music by Aural Ink, “With You, Always”
Listen to 3am Music Collective Music on Spotify, Apple Music, YouTube.
You can’t advise someone to stop feeling depressed.
You can’t advise a person out of depression, says Jude Young. That’s not how it works.
Instead, you can be there for them and be open to helping them, he adds.
The singer-songwriter, who wrote the words and lyrics to 3am Music Collective’s second single, Space Inside, didn’t know this before his own struggle with mental wellness provided him with a much better understanding of the condition and how best to help someone dealing with it.
“I have many friends who struggle with mental wellness,” says Jude. “I mistakenly believed that I could aggressively assist or advise them out of their suffering.”
Yes, he tried talking them out of their depression. With little success, of course.
“I have since learnt that the best help I can offer is my healthy and open presence – and that I can only provide that if I take good care of myself, which is really the only thing I have some reasonable control over to begin with,” he explains.
Jude, who is an accomplished musician with his songs having received airplay on 987FM and also featuring on the original soundtrack of the popular Channel 5 series, Tanglin, had his own mental health issues to deal with.
“I struggled with anxiety, depression, and depersonalisation/derealisation for several years. I sought therapy for it, which was helpful,” he says. But as a result of these, he disappeared from the public view.
“I dropped out of social life and the public eye very suddenly and was largely at home and in isolation for months, apart from visits to the hospital – which my mother accompanied me to every time. I am very grateful for her support.”
Jude has a theory for why artists like himself often struggle from mental wellness.
“There seems to be a correlation between the arts and mental health difficulties. Perhaps it is found in the artists’ struggle of taming the unruly mess of life into socially-conditioned forms of aesthetics,” says Jude.
It was while he was coming out of this struggle that he came to know about 3am Music Collective.
“I had plans for a mental health initiative just as I was emerging from my mental health struggles,” says Jude. “However, in hindsight, I probably did not possess the right amount of critical distance and acceptance yet for it to come into fruition,” admits Jude. Months later, his friend, Edric Hwang, who is lead producer with 3am Music Collective, told him about the collaboration of artists.
“I knew this was a place for me to consolidate efforts,” says Jude. And that led to his writing of Space Inside, which is sung by Eugene Yip.
The song, in essence, speaks of his own experience with mental health.
“Every experience influences us, and every action is influenced by our personal experiences,” explains Jude. “Space Inside, for me, speaks exactly of this understanding. This song was borne from the understanding that experiences; good or bad; change us and are parts of our narrative, and simultaneously embodies my acceptance of that fact.”
Which made it very easy for him to write this song. In fact, songwriting for him isn’t a process where you might sit down in a set space and start writing.
“The best art is often serendipitous, and Space Inside is one of those that emerged very quickly and whole. I scribe the impulse with my guitar, record it on my phone, and send it to Edric,” he says.
And the process, if you still want to call it that, took all of 10 minutes, adds Jude humbly.
But beyond the 10 precious minutes it took to write the song and the three minutes it takes to finish listening to it, Jude hopes it would address a question that lingers in the mind of many a person suffering from depression: When will things get back to normal?
“I believe that many people who struggle with mental health issues often have this question: Will life ever return to how it was like before my depression?
“There’s no good way to answer a faulty question,” concedes Jude.
“When has life ever been the same after anything? I can’t hope for my art to have any impact, but Space Inside speaks of the acceptance of life without curation.”
For Jude, it is this acceptance, and understanding that a group of musicians such as 3am Music Collective need to draw on, while leaning on their art, to achieve their goal of spreading awareness and acceptance of mental illnesses like anxiety and depression, in the hope of removing the stigma so those suffering can get help without fear or shame.
“It takes a whole lot of understanding – which is not only intellectual – to help, to heal, and to love. I believe personal experience and artistry can help discover and inspire wisdom.”
Space Inside
Listen to Space Inside on Spotify, Apple Music, YouTube.
Composers: Edric Hwang x Tan Yu Quan
Lyricists: Edric Hwang x Tan Yu Quan
Music Producer: Edric Hwang
Arranger: Edric Hwang
Vocalist: Eugene Yip
Violinist: Eileen Chai
Recording Engineer: Dino Ong Recorded, Mixed and Mastered at GRYD
He hopes to spark greater awareness of mental health matters.
He works behind the scenes with musicians – singers and instrumentalists – and has seen many of them struggle with mental wellness.
Edric Hwang is lead producer of 3am Music Collective’s 10 song cycle, and is himself the creative force behind their latest release, Spark – he wrote the music to the track which features the vocals and lyrics of Fym Summer.
“As a music producer I do witness a fair share of artistes struggling with their music and careers that often result in anxiety or depression,” says Edric, who runs GRYD Studio at 7 Gambas Crescent.
“It often pains me to see creative individuals put in so much effort and passion into their craft and then fall into depression because of it,” he adds. And he feels that a lot more is needed to be done to help such individuals.
“I try my best to help them with what I can, and ease their troubles, but it’s often not enough that I alone try and help,” he says. Hence, the importance of the endeavours of 3am Music Collective, which strives – through its music – to promote the awareness of mental health issues, and the acceptance of those suffering from these. He had no hesitation when asked to be part of the collaboration by 3am Music Collective’s co-founder, Eileen Chai.
“I learned about it through Eileen, who is one of the main session violinists I usually work with on some of my productions. The idea behind the collective: raising awareness for mental health, is something that I’ve felt is understated these days. So when Eileen approached me to produce the album, I immediately agreed.”
By raising awareness, explains Edric, “more people are open to speaking and assisting those that need assistance with mental health issues”.
As a creative force, a musician himself, Edric feels that music is something he turns to for comfort, and helping troubled minds is what he had set out to do in putting music to the lyrics of Spark.
“As a producer and musician, music has always helped me at times when I’ve needed to collect my thoughts, and at times when things felt overwhelming and out of control. So we’ve written Spark with the hope that it, too. can be a form of support and breather for anybody who feels overwhelmed and troubled by everything that’s going on around them,” explains Edric.
As a songwriter, Edric creates moods with his music, testing it with his own response to the sounds he produces.
“I’ve always been a music-first type of writer,” he says. “So my writing always starts out with either the actual chords and sounds of the song, or the melodies.
“I usually start out with experimenting with different types of sounds, putting them into chords and trying to feel how they affect myself emotionally.
“Once I get that down I build up everything else from there, whether it’s the lyrics, drums, or the lead instruments,” says Edric of his creative process.
In the writing of Spark, lyricist Fym said Edric and Eileen, who plays the violin in the song, made important contributions to the final lyrics of the song. In his experience as a producer, Edric feels that working together often produces the best results.
“To me the strength in any creative process is in the collaboration. A lot more comes out of a collaborative work compared to a solo piece. A lot of great ideas surface when everybody is open to throw out and contribute ideas to the songwriting, that’s how it was writing with Eileen and Fym.
“Everyone had a common goal of making the song the best that it can be in order to deliver the message behind 3am Music Collective the best way that we can. The collaborative process to achieve this goal was really great and the resulting song that came out of it is one that we’re all proud of,” he says. And he hopes that Spark will give strength to those struggling with mental wellness.
“To me, the message behind this track would be empowering the individual to light up the dark surrounding him or her, and to understand and realise that everybody can find the strength to succeed beyond his or her own struggles.”
And it isn’t just this song: Edric feels that the creative output of the musicians of 3am Music Collective can help people understand mental health issues better, so the prejudices associated with these can be removed.
“Music is one of the strongest mediums of message delivery. It has the power to not only deliver the content of the message, but also the emotional intent behind it,” explains Edric.
“So I hope that by using such a strong medium of delivery to raise awareness for this cause, we can truly bring across a strong message to everybody about the need for understanding and patience when deal- ing with issues regarding mental health.”
But while musicians have the medium of music to do that, the task of delivering such a message should not be confined to just musicians or the collective, says Edric.
“It’s a cause that more people need to stand for.”
Spark
Listen to Spark on Spotify, Apple Music, YouTube
Music distributed by Pink Flamingo Records. Listen also on Tidal, 7 Digital, Google Play
Composers: Edric Hwang
Lyricists: Fym Summer
Music producer: Edric Hwang
Arranger: Edric Hwang
Vocalist: Fym Summer
Violinist: Eileen Chai
Recording engineer: Dino Ong
Recorded, Mixed and Mastered at GRYD
A spark to brighten up your life.
Singer-songwriter Fym Summer lends her talents to 3am Music Collective’s latest release, Spark, with a little help from her friends.
She was the creative spark for the lyrics of 3am Music Collective’s latest release, drawing inspiration in the tranquil countryside of Japan. But it was only in a setting of openness among friends in Singapore that she found the best words for her song.
Fym Summer, who wrote the lyrics and provides the vocals for Spark, drew from her own experience of dealing with the problems in her life.
“This song is about realising I can overcome the struggle after being in the dark for a long time,” she explains, citing her own experience of overcoming the domestic violence at home caused by her mother’s mental condition (she suffered from schizophrenia from 2007 to 2017).
She started to pen the lyrics after 3am Music Collective’s co-founder Eileen Chai sent her the music track produced by Edring Hwang in February, when she was in Japan.
“The peaceful nature and serene atmosphere of the Japanese countryside where I was at that time also helped a lot – it allowed me to clear my mind and find solace to write the lyrics,” says Fym of her second project with 3am Music Collective. She sang in an earlier release, Be.
But her creative work in Japan wasn’t the end product. The lyrics that were used in the recording included the creative inputs of Edric and Eileen.
“We sat together in the studio and brainstormed to figure out the best words to relay the feelings and message of the song,” Fym tells Z*Media. “We went through references and finally got to it after a few hours.”
She enjoyed the collaboration and the spontaneous exchange of creative ideas.
“It was really nice that all of us were really open and there were a lot of fresh ideas,” she says. “We improvised and decided what we felt was right for the song and I’m really happy with the result.”
Not just her – both Eileen and Edric were thrilled at how it developed.
“It turned out stronger, more powerful and more impactful than I first imagined it would,” she says.
As a singer-songwriter, Fym feels that the process of creating music and that of performing are very different.
“What drives me to write music? It’s very personal – I write to convey what I truly feel in a song, to relieve myself of those feelings, or to convey them to the audience, even if they do not want to listen to me,” she says, laughing.
On a more serious note, she adds: “I believe it is an important process for me to be able to weave these feelings into words so I can make sense of the state of mind I’m in when those feelings become overwhelming.”
In contrast, as a performer, she finds herself drawing out the feelings of her audience.
“What drives me to perform the music is to get reactions from people and how they interpret my songs based on their own stories and experiences. It’s an intriguing process – to speak to people in music instead of words and have them respond in ways they may not know that they would feel.”
And does she prefer the process behind the stage, or on it?
“Maybe because I am an introvert, I love recording and songwriting more than performing. Or maybe it is because to write a song is to express myself, whereas to perform would require you to impress certain groups of people. And I always find that this is not necessary in the name of art.”
And her art is what she derives joy from.
“I love songwriting. I love music making. I love that the power of music-making can be brought from a single feeling to a huge mass of people, just with the right words and the right musical notes. They bring strength and sharing, and lots of joy to me,” she explains.
One of Fym’s great fears is to lose the ability to express herself through music.
“One scary thought for me is if I were to lose my ability to speak through music one day,” she says.
With Spark, Fym gets to perform her own song. Which, she feels, is easier than singing songs written by others.
“It’s easy because these songs are my stories. It’s usually harder for me to perform a song written by others because I need first to understand and interpret someone else’s story in the song and then make it my own in order to deliver a believable performance. So there’s an extra step there,” she says.
She hopes that with Spark, she can deliver a message of positivity to those going through a difficult time.
“I hope everyone would receive lots of strength, positive vibes and inspiration to get themselves out of their troubles and I hope they listen to it when they feel like they need the extra push in life!” she says.
In other words, allow Fym’s Spark to light up your life.
Spark
Listen to Spark on Spotify, Apple Music, YouTube
Music distributed by Pink Flamingo Records. Listen also on Tidal, 7 Digital, Google Play
Composers: Edric Hwang
Lyricists: Fym Summer
Music producer: Edric Hwang
Arranger: Edric Hwang
Vocalist: Fym Summer
Violinist: Eileen Chai
Recording engineer: Dino Ong
Recorded, Mixed and Mastered at GRYD
Eileen’s unseen struggle.
Enlightened Consciousness published an article, Habits of people with concealed depression that we should know, which could help detect depression in someone who is suffering in silence. 3am Music Collective’s founder Eileen Chai shares her own silent struggle with mental wellness.
I CONSIDER myself fortunate. I have hardly any financial worries, not even during this time of uncertainty with the Covid-19 global pandemic in full swing. I have the love of a doting husband, love of my family, and beautiful friends around. Knowing how blessed I am, I love to give.
However, I suffer from depression. Along with it, I suffer these symptoms, among others: I’m anxious about being anxious. And I’m always feeling inadequate, so I always need some form of affirmation for the things that I do.
I wrote this during one of my Cognitive Behavioural Therapy sessions with my psychiatrist:
“I feel like I’m in a dark, closed box, as deep as a well. Even if you shout, no one can hear you; even if you jump, you can never escape the hole; even if you use a red crayon to colour the walls around you, they remain deep black.”
Feelings of helplessness and hopelessness are symptoms of depression. I was diagnosed with Social Performing Anxiety. Depression and anxiety are linked. For example, when I get anxious about being anxious, and I feel useless and worthless about my mental capacity to deal with my thoughts, it can eventually lead to depression.
The article I have used as a reference delves on the habits of people with concealed depression. As someone who is suffering from depression, I hope to provide better insight as to how these might manifest.
1] They don’t hide their anxiety, they hide their symptoms
I laugh a lot, especially when I’m happy – like when I’m cycling or simply exercising. But there are times I laugh or try to smile when I’m not actually happy. I do this to make people happy.
I sometimes feel worthless, and as it has nothing to do with other people, I try not to let people know about it in case it becomes a burden to them. So I smile. Or laugh. I am also sometimes fearful of meeting people, so I laugh to hide my anxiousness.
2] They have the most anxiety about having anxiety
Yes, I can actually get an anxiety attack worrying about getting an anxiety attack. Two years ago, at a networking event, I felt anxiety about meeting the attendees even though I knew most of them. I felt very highly strung, and my brain felt like it was in knots. When I arrived, I saw people in lines – without human features. My world was a blur. I left.
Another time, I was just about to go to watch a fellow musician’s performance when I suffered a panic attack. I had mentally prepared myself the entire day to stay calm, and yet I broke down! I cried – overwhelmed with feelings of hopelessness. Quite often, I would be anxious about something as common place as going to the ladies after a meal at a restaurant. I would be anxious about bumping into someone I knew, and worry that I would do something stupid, like say something inappropriate, behave awkwardly and poorly, or even laugh when I shouldn’t, as I worried that I would hate myself if I did any of those things.
3] They come across as a paradoxical mix of outgoing but introverted, very social but rarely out
As a performer, I find I need to be social and outgoing, and I learnt to do this through my years of street busking. And I do enjoy bringing smiles and happiness to people. I’m not an introvert and I’m not shy. My problem is becoming anxious when meeting friends in a social context. Or becoming too worked up about bringing happiness to people, which I’ll talk about below.
4] They make situations worse by suppressing their feelings
I do sometimes feel a need to suppress my feelings. I also avoid situations and places that will spark negative feelings, mainly because I don’t want those feelings to bother others. Yes, it’s me getting anxious that I would be bothersome to others.
5] They are often uniquely talented and expressive
I don’t think I’m uniquely or exceptionally talented nor expressive. I was fortunate enough to have started travelling early in my life (representing Singapore in sports) so I would have seen and experienced more than most people when I was younger. This may have given me an edge over my peers during my formative years. More importantly to me, I find I enjoy solving problems and overcoming challenges, as these give me an adrenaline rush. I won’t allow myself to be defeated by a problem – I’ll find different ways to get things done. As in sports or learning to play a musical instrument, you get better with practice.
I was fortunate to get into competitive sport and to coach. I was also fortunate to learn music, and perform on the violin. Rather than think of these as unique talents, I’d like to think I have been disciplined enough to develop and combine my talents into becoming a competent violin performer and instructor today.
6] They may have abnormal sleeping and eating habits
I love to wake up early so that I can get more things done in the morning and feel accomplished, and in control. I do sleep earlier now, so that I have more rest.
My eating habits are OK, but my meal times can be rather irregular, but only because it corresponds with my teaching schedule, which may be irregular.
7] They are often searching for a purpose
It’s not a bad thing to search for a purpose. However, it’s my internal demon-talk of inadequacy and the constant affirmation I require that makes this a problem.
My need for affirmation came from missing the love and approval of my father. This need has resulted in me trying to achieve more than I could handle, in order to increase the chances of getting approval and affirmation. Yes, my efforts were a result of my insecurity.
So I’ve overworked myself till burnout.
Here are a few instances:
• When I represented Singapore as a gymnast age 7 to 13 years, I kept saying, “I hate myself”, as a distraction to suppress by tiredness. I kept getting injured as a result: fractured elbow, sprained ankles, shin splints.
• When I was a 15-year-old national hurdler, I continued saying, “I hate myself”. I sprained my ankle one month before the SEA Games.
• That mantra – “I hate myself” – continued when I was 16 years old, as a diver training in China. I dislocated a shoulder, broke my right toe, and suffered back injuries.
• I overworked myself when I was 26 and a schoolteacher. I remember being so exhausted on the first day of a brand new school year as we sang the National Anthem. That was when I started getting panic attacks.
Today, I’ve grown to understand that I will never receive the affirmation I so yearn from my dad, and recently I came to terms with that. I have a very supportive mom, and a husband who loves me no matter how bad I am. On a spiritual level, I believe in a Heavenly Father who has blessed all of us, so I believe we are OK.
8] They are deep thinkers and great problem solvers
This could be a result of always being anxious! But, yes, I tend to think deep. I feel there’s always a solution to everything. In a way, that’s why I love to teach as every student that comes along has a different learning style, which means l have to make use of different ways of teaching. Which also means my mind is always working, which may not be a good thing as I could end up overworked and burnt out. However, I’ve found ways to meditate and that helps me put my mind at rest and at ease.
9] They don’t trust easily, yet they will convince you that they do.
10] They assume they are disliked by everyone and seek love and acceptance
I often get the feeling I’m not liked. And because of that, I find it hard to trust people. So for me, they are related. Here’s a case in point: I was invited to perform violin at a club that required the submission of our NRIC for security clearance. The band leader, who invited me, said my security clearance failed. I thought it was an excuse because he didn’t like me, didn’t like my playing or regretted inviting me to perform. It turned out that I had typed my NRIC number wrongly.
11] They tend to desire control in most areas of their lives
This need for control goes all the way to my wanting to make my mom and my husband happy. It might sound strange, but the more I want to make them happy, the more I want to be in control. (I need to be sure that they are happy!)
However, my psychiatrist always reminds me that their happiness is within their control. I do not need to do anything extraordinary to make them happy.
“Ben is already happy to have such a wonderful wife, and your mom knows you are a filial daughter, they are already happy. Is there a need to do more to make them happier?” he asked.
This problem stems from my feelings of worthlessness – time and again, I’ve felt compelled to do more to affirm that I am doing the right thing to make them happy. So I would need to be in control. And when it goes out of control, I will feel frustrated and start hating myself. I end up getting angry, and instead of making them happy, they get hurt. My mom and my husband have had to bear the brunt of my tantrums because of my desire for control.
12] They are very smart, yet they have doubts
As mentioned in #5, it’s because of my lucky situation, my experiences through the years, and my love for the adrenaline rush of solving problems that drives me towards finding solutions. It doesn’t mean I’m smarter than the next person. That said, I do have doubts.
13] They are almost always self-regulating their thoughts
Yes! Even in public places! This is especially so when I’m still in my working mode. Most of the time, it will be, “I hate myself.” There are times when “I hate myself” become the lyrics of a new song!
I now make it a point that when I’m out at a cafe, or any-where out with my husband, I will try not to touch my electronic devices, and instead just watch the people around me, as a form of meditation.
Meditation in its simplified definition is about learning to observe our thoughts or feelings without judgment, and it clears the mind.
14] They will at times release subtle cries for help
Yes, at times. But it wasn’t easy to know who you can trust to share your mental health condition back then. For almost a year in 2016, I left social media. I didn’t go out. When friends asked me to meet, I would say I was busy. When an event company asked for a quote for an event, I would decline, saying I was busy. When there was a speaking engagement opportunity, I’d say I was busy. The reality was that I was hiding at home, avoiding people at all cost.
And that cost me quite a bit as the more opportunities you turned down, the fewer opportunities you get thereafter, and eventually, people start to forget you. Hence from performing and speaking almost weekly in 2014 and 2015, I ended up having almost no more engagements
The good thing was it gave me time to rest and reboot my brain.
However, I was unable to share this with anyone during that time.
I’ve once suggested to my psychiatrist that perhaps it would be ideal for me to just leave social media and stay at home. Avoid everyone. Then I would be safe. It would also be safe for Ben, as I’d vent my frustrations on him. However, my psychiatrist said I couldn’t avoid people forever, that I had to step out and try out my new brain. So I did.
The first person I shared this with was singer-songwriter Kevin Mathews, who immediately connected with me as he was going through it himself! I was blessed that my first meet up was a success, and that boosted my confidence enough to stop avoiding, and to start sharing.
So knowing I’m blessed, I want to give and help people, to make people happy. But because of my subconscious need for affirmation, I need to be careful about my tendency to do too much. There’s also the tendency to overthink, which I have to keep in check. Otherwise, I’d end up overworking and getting worked up, which is a formula for disaster.
Advice
Through the years, I’ve been advised by friends with purely good intentions:
“Aiyo, just let go.”
“Go meditate, will help you.”
“No need to overthink.”
It was frustrating to hear those phrases. As much as I knew my friends meant well, they didn’t help. Instead, it made things worse, reinforcing my worry that I’m useless.
When I was struggling with mental wellness, I would look for solutions to my problems. Many articles that I read did not provide any solutions. Through the years, I’ve gone to realise why that was so – mental health sufferers recover in so many different ways and in their own time. There is no silver bullet, no one-size-fits-all solution, and no specific time-frame.
With my psychiatrist, I did Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, and on my request, we talked about my spiritual relationship with God. Every Tuesday I would go to a Christian Fellowship Ministry to listen to different pastors share a spiritual message. There was no one solution to fix my mental health issue; it was a process that I had to go through to experience and understand the healing. When the time is right, every experience that you’ve gone through, all the knowledge that you have garnered, will align and suddenly, “click” – with everything falling into place.
As a sufferer, your first step really is to seek for help. Do seek help from a certified, professional counsellor, psychologist or psychiatrist. If you are not sure where to start, you can check with your GP or go to a poly- clinic to get referrals.
For me, personally, I find spiritual guidance helps, too. If you are attending a church, speak to your pastor, or a cell group leader.
At 3am Music Collective, we are also in touch with people who can help. So do contact us if you need a gentle nudge and encouragement to get help.
Next, confide in people you love so that they can be there for you in your journey of healing. There will be down times, but your loved ones will be always be your pillar of support.
Also, meditate. Meditation in a simplified form is described as focusing the mind on a particular object, thought, or activity – to train attention and awareness, and achieve a mentally clear and emotionally calm and stable state. My form of meditation is my urban walks every Sunday. I only got to understand what meditation meant when I was hiking in nature without wifi or other distractions. At the end of the day, I experienced something that I’d never experienced before – a clear mind with all knots in my brain undone.
That was at the start of my two-hour urban walks with Ben and our dog Turbo every Sunday.
The feelings of helplessness and hopelessness are symptoms of depression, not the reality of the situation.
If you want to help someone with depression:
• Refrain from using negative-sounding words on someone whom you suspect may be suffering from mental health condition.
• Read up on depression, suicide, meditation for a better understanding on how we are suffering
• Be empathetic. See and feel with the eyes of the sufferer. The last thing we need is to be judged. We want to be encouraged to get better, to see a doctor, and to recover. We want to know that it will be OK.
References:
Depression
https://www.helpguide.org/articles/depression/ depression-symptoms-and-warning-signs.htm
Meditation
https://www.headspace.com/meditation-101/ what-is-meditation
3am Music Collective music:
Listen on Spotify, Apple Music, YouTube
Music distributed by Pink Flamingo Records. Listen also on Tidal, 7 Digital, Google Play.
We must be free to talk about what makes us depressed.
He is a giant among musicians in Singapore.
As the most senior member of Singapore’s foremost string ensemble, the T’ang Quartet, he has been lauded for his musicality by critics and fellow musicians, and hailed for his dynamism as a performer.
When he was a lot younger, cellist Leslie Tan said in a magazine interview: “We’re boys; we don’t get older, we just get taller.”
Leslie and the other members of the quartet that was formed when they were members of the Singapore Symphony Orchestra in the 1990s exploded onto Singapore’s music scene in the way a boy band might. They were cool. They never dressed as conventional classical musicians would, whether in performances or at media events. But they always remained through to their calling as serious classical musicians.
Now, taller and wiser, Leslie still performs with great energy and passion, whether in his solo projects or with the quartet. He would break into that mischievous grin of his every now and then, but like the disciplined artiste that he is, he gives his all at every show.
“Everything is online these days,” he says. “I came to know about 3am Music Col- lective online. And then I got that call,” he adds.
That call was to play the cello in 3am Music Collective’s latest single, I’ve Got This Together.
The song, which is sung by popular live performer Beverly Morata Grafton, was written by Wendy Tjen and Ben Kranen, and aside from Leslie’s cello, features 3am Music Collective’s co-founders Ben, on the piano, and Eileen Chai, on the violin.
Despite his mostly cheerful disposition, Leslie has his moods.
“I am quite certain everyone of us goes through periods of darkness,” he says. “Some of us manage to step across the road to find sunshine, but a lot of us stay in the shade.”
He believes it is never as simple as walking from the darkness into the light.
“Sometimes, it just seems easier to lie down and be carried away by our waves of despair,” he says. And being depressed has absolutely nothing to do with one’s strength, or being weak, insists Leslie. Music, he adds can provide some solace to troubled minds.
“Music provides comfort. Music also highlights the bad. Perhaps by highlighting our despairs, we can begin to overcome whatever it is that makes us depressed,” he says.
He feels that those suffering from depression need to be given the space and opportunity to get out in the open to deal with the issues that are troubling them.
“We need to talk about our problems. Only by opening up can people know what the issues are, only then can people understand what we harbour inside our minds and souls,” he explains.
For his part in the song, I’ve Got This Together, Leslie remains humble about his contribution.
“Easy, la! It was a great result, the coming together of the musicians, and the final product was great, too,” he says.
“It was fun, and I do best when I have long notes to hold and to emote!” says Leslie, who has never been shy about saying how he feels about anything.
I’ve Got This Together
Listen to I’ve Got This Together on Spotify, Apple Music, YouTube
Music distributed by Pink Flamingo Records. Listen also on Tidal, 7 Digital, Google Play
Composers Wendy Tjen, Ben Kranen
Lyricists: Wendy Tjen, Ben Kranen
Music producer: Edric Hwang
Arranger: Edric Hwang
Vocalist: Beverly Morata Grafton
Cellist: Leslie Tan
Violinist: Eileen Chai
Pianist: Ben Kranen
Recording engineer: Dino Ong
Recorded, Mixed and Mastered at GRYD
You are not alone; We’re in this together.
He was depressed as a teenager, but a visit to a psychiatrist changed Ben Kranen’s life completely. Now the co-founder of 3am Music Collective strives to get sufferers of mental health issues to seek the help they need.
IF you’re struggling with your mental wellness, if you’re feeling depressed, Ben Kranen wants you to know this: We are here for you.
The co-founder of 3am Music Collective knows the problems faced by those undergoing such problem.
After all, Ben, who is a songwriter, founded the collective together with his wife, violinist Eileen Chai, have both sought professional help to address their mental health concerns and have seen great improvement as a result of those consultations. They are also well aware of the prejudices, stigmas and taboos that come with mental illness, and are all too familiar with the fear and shame of sufferers preventing them from getting the help they so desperately need.
“Both Eileen and I have gone through mental health issue, so we decided to launch 3am Music Collective in the hope that we could, with music, create more awareness and acceptance of mental health problems so that the stigma attached to these can be taken away,” says Ben, who, together with Wendy Tjen, co-wrote the music and lyrics of 3am MC’s latest release, I’ve Got This Together.
Ben’s brush with depression came at a very early age – he was just 16 when he lost his elder sister, who was then 18, to a rare form of cancer.
The passing of a sister with whom he was very close left an indelible mark on him as he struggled to come to terms with his grief.
“It swept away all the certainties I believed in at that time,” says Ben, who still grieves at that poignant loss till this day. “Most people do not start thinking about mortality until they are in their 40s and 50s, but I was caught by the short hairs to face the unfaceable at that age.”
The pain of bereavement accumulated over the years, finally coming to a head when he was in his early 30s – he felt paralysed and lost all manner of self-esteem. He finally decided to approach a professional to help him deal with his condition.
“I sought help from a psychiatrist, and that really was a life-changer,” says Ben. With the counsel of a professional and by reading self-help books recommended by his psychiatrist, Ben was soon on the road to recovery as the burden of grief lifted.
“Seeking professional help was the turning point in my life – there was a clear “before” and “after” in my life’s journey, and I managed to accept all the good and bad that came with living. It helped me to appreciate the good things so much more,” explains Ben.
Which also explains his eagerness to create a more positive awareness and greater acceptance that mental health conditions such as anxiety and depression are illnesses that can be treated with counsel and medication.
Collaborating with Wendy on the music and lyrics for a song that provides hope and encourages conversation on mental health matters is part of a fulfilling endeavour towards that goal.
“It was a great experience working with Wendy,” says Ben. “She is a really good and inspiring lyricist and knows how to put lyrics into melodies as well. Our personal mental journeys were overarching during the whole creative process – my task was to put it all together, find the right chord progressions and structure for the whole song. I also contributed to the lyrics, so it was a really complementary effort – good and fun cooperation,” explains Ben.
In other words, like the title of the song, the song-writing duo, Ben and Wendy, got this together – simply by helping each other.
And that resonates, too, with what Ben hopes would be the takeaway message of the song.
“I hope those struggling with mental wellness will know this: you are not alone; we are in this together,” he says.
As for the song, Ben is happy that it went beyond his and Wendy’s endeavours, though he remains absolutely happy with what they did.
“When the song was sung by Beverly Morata Grafton and produced by Edric Huang, along with the cello of the T’ang Quartet’s Leslie Tan and Eileen’s violin, the song was taken to a whole new level,” says
Ben. “Beverly knows how to convey the right emotions; Edric uses his magic to turn it into a modern, crisp and transparent sounding production; and the cello and violin parts gave the that extra melodious, melancholic touch.”
Ben hopes that with this song, along with the efforts of the collective, would see more sufferers of mental illness get the help they so badly need, as he did in his younger days.
“We just hope that our music can trigger people that suffer from mental health issues to take action, and to seek help.”
And in a demonstration of solidarity with fellow sufferers, he reiterates his earlier message: “Above all that, know you are not alone, we’re in this together and we will be here for you.”
I’ve Got This Together
Listen to I’ve Got This Together on Spotify, Apple Music, YouTube
Music distributed by Pink Flamingo Records. Listen also on Tidal, 7 Digital, Google Play
Composers Wendy Tjen, Ben Kranen
Lyricists: Wendy Tjen, Ben Kranen
Music producer: Edric Hwang
Arranger: Edric Hwang
Vocalist: Beverly Morata Grafton
Cellist: Leslie Tan
Violinist: Eileen Chai
Pianist: Ben Kranen
Recording engineer: Dino Ong
Recorded, Mixed and Mastered at GRYD
She knows the healing power of songs.
Composer and lyricist Wendy Tjen, who co-wrote 3am Music Collective’s newest release, I’ve Got This Together, turned to music when she was in grief over the loss of her mother.
WENDY Tjen is well aware of the healing power of a song.
“I relied on songs for strength when I needed to feel better, and I feel the lyrics of a song that I can relate to makes me feel I am not alone and it is like someone is speaking to me and understands me, and is encouraging me,” says the songwriter who, together with 3am Music Collective’s co-founder Ben Kranen, penned the lyrics and wrote the music to the collective’s latest release, I’ve Got This Together.
Wendy went through depression while she was the sole caregiver to her late mother, who was diagnosed with last-stage cancer. She then had to deal with the grief of losing her mother after an eight-year battle.
“All the accumulated stress and grief had affected my mental health and I was in depression and had to see a psychiatrist,” says Wendy. Her faith as a Christian helped in her healing, as did her friends.
And there was music, too, to ease the pain.
So when she discussed her healing process with Ben and wife and co-founder of 3am MC, Eileen Chai, and they asked her if she would be keen to participate in the project, she responded without so much as a pause.
“I’m very thankful they asked if I was keen to be part of this project. I immediately said, yes, of course!” says Wendy. She drew from her own experience when writing I’ve Got This Together with Ben. However, the writing of the song was a painless journey, as she and Ben got it together quite quickly.
“The songwriting process was a very smooth one,” she tells Z*Media. And Ben was a joy to collaborate with.
“Ben is the nicest person you can work with! He is very professional and direct, which is why the song writing process is smooth and fast. We also communicated well we were both happy and very satisfied with how the song turned out, thanks, also, to a great team,” she adds.
It was an extremely fulfilling enterprise, too. Having been through the depths of grief during her struggle with her own mental health, she now had the opportunity to produce an uplifting piece of work.
“I had always wanted to write a song to encourage people to never give up and stay strong,” explains Wendy. “I hope that when people listen to this song, they will feel encouraged and find strength to fight on and believe in themselves.”
What she hopes that people who are undergoing mental heath issues would take away from this song is that they aren’t alone in their suffering – there are those who want to help.
“If they can relate to the song, they will not feel lonely and they’ll know that there are people who understand them. And when they find hope, they will find strength and have the positive energy to continue their journey. Every step counts so hopefully this is a tiny step to make them feel better,” says Wendy.
Her own endeavour underlines the power of song in the message of hope for those in need of a helping hand, and she feels that a project such as 3am Music Collective’s would help people who need help to feel less inhibited about getting it as awareness and acceptance of mental health problems as a medical matter become more widespread.
“As composers and lyricists, we have the power to create positive songs for people to listen to when they feel helpless, and when they feel nobody understands them.
“They may also be shy to seek help as they may be afraid of social prejudice.
“However, if 3am Music Collective can create more awareness and more people start to understand that mental health issues are just like any other health issues, people would start to become more open and that is when more troubled people will be willing to seek professional help,” she explains.
“I am very grateful to Eileen and Ben for looping me in this project as it is very meaningful and I am most happy to contribute,” she adds.
I’ve Got This Together
Listen to I’ve Got This Together on Spotify, Apple Music, YouTube
Music distributed by Pink Flamingo Records. Listen also on Tidal, 7 Digital, Google Play
Composers Wendy Tjen, Ben Kranen
Lyricists: Wendy Tjen, Ben Kranen
Music producer: Edric Hwang
Arranger: Edric Hwang
Vocalist: Beverly Morata Grafton
Cellist: Leslie Tan
Violinist: Eileen Chai
Pianist: Ben Kranen
Recording engineer: Dino Ong
Recorded, Mixed and Mastered at GRYD
Stop saying we’re being dramatic.
It’s humiliating and makes those suffering from mental health problems afraid or ashamed to get help, says singer Beverly Morata Grafton, who came close to taking her own life twice. She managed to get help, but lost a friend who didn’t.
Beverly Morata Grafton experienced the anguish of losing a friend who took his own life – and she hadn’t the faintest idea that he was suffering from depression.
“It’s a very real condition,” says the veteran singer and Singapore Idol alumni. And she’s angry that those struggling with mental health issues are dismissed as being dramatic.
“The stigma of being told to just get over it, or when people think you’re being dramatic makes it all the more humiliating,” she tells Z*Media. And because of this stigma, it becomes very difficult for those suffering from depression to seek help.
“The struggle to admit you have a problem is very real. That’s why a lot of people don’t seek help in time. They’re afraid that no-one will take them seriously,” she adds. “And it’s just heartbreaking that we have to come to the point of life or death before we receive any help.”
This isn’t an overly-dramatic, self-righteous rant from the veteran jazz and soul singer: She has had to fight her own battle with mental health issues as she was diagnosed with panic disorder in 2014. She also went though a period of depression, during which there were two occasions when she came close to killing herself. But she overcame – with the help of those who meant something to her.
“I’ve worked very hard and very long to get to the point where I am at now and if it wasn’t for a certain few key people in my life, like my daughter of course, I wouldn’t be here,” she says.
Still, the struggle remains, especially in an industry where image is given a huge premium.
“I do suffer from anxiety still when I get over-whelmed and I still have trouble admitting that I suffered from depression,” she concedes. “Especially being in an industry that thrives on image, people always expect you to be happy and smiling.
“If I had a dollar for each time someone said that that’s not the me they know when I’m sad, I’d be able to own my own studio,” she adds.
Beverly, a familiar face in the nightlife entertainment circuit and a performer at the last National Day Parade, lent her vocals to 3am Music Collective’s newest release, I’ve Got This Together.
The song was co-written by Wendy Tjen and 3am Music Collective’s co-founder, Ben Kranen, and features Leslie Tan of Singapore’s pre-eminent string ensemble, T’ang Quartet, on the cello.
“It brought me back to when I finally admitted to myself that I needed help and the fear of going for it, and how long I dragged my feet (months) before actually getting there,” says Beverly of the song, which is about the start of the recovery process.
“In fact, I had to tell myself that I have to go throughout the entire journey on the way to the clinic and that I need to find out what’s wrong with me, and that I can do this,” adds Beverly.
There was little struggle in the recording of the song, though, Beverly being the seasoned pro that she is.
“I’m very grateful that my career has put me in various situations where I have been blessed to learn and hopefully excel in different genres, so musically, (recording I’ve Got This Together) wasn’t wasn’t much of a challenge,” she says.
“I’ve always enjoyed being in a studio environment. I love the beauty of the creative process that puts a song together,” explains Beverly. And it was a joy for her to collaborate with 3am Music Collective’s co- founders Ben and Eileen Chai, who accommodated to her needs as an artiste.
“Working with Ben and Eileen is a dream. I had rushed straight to the studio from a short getaway with my daughter so we had all our luggage with us, but they were so flexible and understanding about it and that’s important because it’s hard to deliver what’s expected of you when you’re uncomfortable,” she says.
She experienced some difficulty from a different quarter, though.
“What was challenging was trying not to tear up while singing,” she says. Indeed, she had to struggle to keep it together.
Thankfully, Eileen’s presence helped.
“I kept joking around in between and Eileen helped keep things light in the studio,” says Beverly, who hopes that, like the title of the song and its message, listeners, especially those with a history of or are going through mental health issues, can say, “I’ve got this together.”
“I would hope that they realise they’re not alone and that it’s OK to need help,” explains Beverly. “I hope that anyone who listens to this will take themselves seriously and go get the help they need, and know that they got this.”
It took all of just one text message and a scheduled phone conversation with Eileen, whom she has known for years, for Beverly to say yes to being part of 3am Music Collective. She does, after all, believe that “music is medicine”.
“Hopefully, by lending my voice to “I’ve Got This Together”, it will convey the message to anyone who is listening that they aren’t alone,” says Beverly, who also hopes that just knowing they’re not alone would “heal them a little”.
“Yes, the truth is that getting help is something they must decide for themselves and they might have to start this journey alone but eventually they will find that there is strength in solidarity.”
I’ve Got This Together
Listen to I’ve Got This Together on Spotify, Apple Music, YouTube (releasing 27th March 2020)
Music distributed by Pink Flamingo Records. Listen also on Tidal, 7 Digital, Google Play
Composers Wendy Tjen, Ben Kranen
Lyricists: Wendy Tjen, Ben Kranen
Music producer: Edric Hwang
Arranger: Edric Hwang
Vocalist: Beverly Morata Grafton
Cellist: Leslie Tan
Violinist: Eileen Chai
Pianist: Ben Kranen
Recording engineer: Dino Ong
Recorded, Mixed and Mastered at GRYD
Accomplished and with a Mission.
Ng Yu-Ying, first violinist of the T’ang Quartet, performs in 3am Music Collective’s new release, Still Searching. Despite having played on many concert stages in various parts of the world, struggles with anxiety. He shares with us how he overcomes it, as well as his vision for music to elevate the spirit of his audience.
STILL SEARCHINg, 3am Music Collective’s newest release, is an instrumental piece about one’s desire to get better after accepting the fact that one has a mental health condition.
Help for sufferers of conditions such as depression or anxiety, depending on the extent of the illness, could come in the form of medicine, therapy, spiritual guidance or simply the support of friends and loved ones.
However, telling them to “just let it go”, well meaning as it may be, is not a solution because a mental health condition isn’t something you can simply throw away. 3am Music Collective endeavours to create awareness of such good-hearted fallacies that could do more damage than help.
He leans forward to the music stand, squinting slightly as he peers at the score, his face a multitude of rapid and distinct expressions – quizzical in one moment, surprised the next.
Searching. Amused. Resolved.
Then in one fluid movement, he takes an almost imperceptible step back, raises the violin to his shoulder, rests his chin gently on it and brings the bow in his right had to the strings.
Silent. Frozen. Poised.
You watch as, in a snap, his body tenses, eyebrows rise, bow and fingers gliding over strings.
The music is at once delicate and overpowering, filling the room to its corners. You’re helplessly – and blissfully – immersed in it.
That’s Ng Yu-Ying, first violinist of the illustrious T’ang Quartet, Singapore’s preeminent string ensemble.
And Yu-Ying is an accomplished performer.
“Not really,” he says, modestly denying the accolade.
Don’t listen to him. Well, listen to his music, but ignore his denial of the comment on his proficiency.
He plays in 3am Music Collective’s latest release, Still Searching, an instrumental piece.
And here’s a fun fact: Yu-Ying has been 3am Music Collective’s co-founder Eileen Chai’s teacher for the past four years.
“She was already a very accomplished player and teacher when she approached me to teach her,” says Yu-Ying, who, together with the other three members of the T’ang Quartet, are on the faculty of Singapore’s Yong Siew Toh Conservatory as Quartet in Residence. “In the past four years, I’ve seen her grow in stature as a musician and performer,” he adds.
And when Eileen approached him to record a piece with her, he agreed without hesitation.
“I felt it’d be my honour to record a piece with her as this project is a very meaningful one,” he explains.
Eileen plays the viola in Still Searching, which was written by celebrated Singapore composer Dr Kelly Tang. It is the only instrumental piece from the collective. Apart from Yu-Ying on the violin and Eileen on the viola, it also features Ivan Lim on the guitar.
“It is actually quite a tricky piece,” says Yu-Ying. “Until now, I’m still searching for my notes! Haha,” says Yu-Ying in jest.
Jokes aside, Still Searching is indeed a very complex composition.
“It’s melodious and also turbulent, and it is evocative of a journey: the piece is not smooth-sailing – it has ups and downs, just like life. There were challenging moments technically, at least for the violin part, I think the viola part was not very easy as well,” he explains.
“There were technical demands that I had to work on. Also, pitching-wise and intonation, and quite a number of double-stops and leaps,” he elaborates.
LIFE JOURNEY
He likens these technical challenges to life’s journey.
“It is not always pleasantly straightforward, it’s not always easy, and in a way, just like life, if everything were always smooth-sailing, it’d get boring.
“But there were moments when the instruments blended in harmony so beautifully that you feel it’s worth it, this struggle that you have to go through,” he says.
Yu-Ying hopes that listeners of this piece can grasp the passages of the violin and the viola as two individuals going through the journey of life.
“It sometimes feels like the two instruments are on different paths, each going through a different journey, or having a different understanding of what this journey is about,” he says. “But there are passages – parts of the journey – where the two come together beautifully.
“It’s just like life, with the joys and the hardships, the ups and downs that we each go through, these two instruments are individuals on paths that sometimes meet. Sometimes, one is there to listen to the other, and again, just like life, if we can listen to each other through good times and bad, we can be a great blessing to each other.
“Similarly, no-one needs to be ashamed or to feel defeated if they need to reach out to another person, for this piece is about support- ing and helping each other, which is crucial for everyone. I love this piece,” says Yu-Ying.
ANXIETY ISSUES
It has taken years of intense study and practice to get to being the accomplished performer he insists he is not. And in his early days as a young musician, the violinist had his share of anxiety.
“In the years that I studied the instrument before deciding to make a career in music, I was constantly battling with myself – my inner demons, if you like. I was constantly asking myself: Am I good enough? How can I be better than I was in my last lesson? Am I do- ing it for myself? Or am I just doing it to impress my teacher? These are the questions in my journey as a teenage musician,” he says.
He eventually went abroad to study, returning to become a musician with the Singapore Symphony Orchestra (SSO).
“You have a duty, a responsibility to the audience, as a performing musician,” explains Yu-Ying, who, together with violinist Ang Chek Meng, violist Lionel Tan and cellist Leslie Tan, who were also members of the SSO, formed the ground-breaking T’ang Quartet. They were the rage then – four young upstarts who would rock the classical scene with their exciting, modern image though remaining true to their roots as classical musicians. In other words, they weren’t your regular boy band of the 1990s.
“Every concert meant something – the preparation, the battles with one another to create the best performance brought out the best in us. And lots of anxiety, too, especially as we got closer to each concert.
“I’d be asking myself: Did we do enough? Did I do enough? And when facing the audience, you ght your demons and try to present your best side. Sometimes, you accomplish that that and sometimes you don’t.
“And there would be times when you walk away from a concert and say, this is why I became a performer – the adrenaline rush that you get on stage, the chemistry that you create between yourself and the audience, and all these contribute to my desire to strive on.
WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM MY FRIENDS
“However, there were many times when I felt deeply disappointed, when I felt I could have done so much better, and these sometimes got me feeling depressed.
“And it helped if there was someone there to support you. The quartet is four, so you have three other members to rely on. We discuss, analyse and evaluate the concerts we have done and how we can support one another better. Having a listening ear for each other – not only the music, but the inner turmoil that each of us went through before and during the concert – was crucial.
“When someone faces such issues, it is important to have someone to reach out for and talk to,” explains Yu-Ying.
While being a seasoned performer on stage, in Singapore and in the T’ang Quartet’s numerous performers and stints overseas, Yu-Ying felt that recording was a completely di erent proposition altogether.
RECORDING BLUES
“I have performed quite a lot but when it comes to recording, it is always nerve-racking for me. It is different from performing to an audience where you can feel the vibe, feel the adrenaline, and feel the excitement – in a recording, you wear a pair of headphones and you play to a glass window.
All you see is the producer and the recording crew. And when you listen to what you’ve recorded, it is far from instant gratification. Instead, you think: Oh, gosh! What crime did I just commit? What unpardonable sin have I just done to the music? There is just so much to x!
But, again, like life, the recording process is another journey.
“We work through the piece, studying it and working out how we can do justice to it,” he explains.
As a classical musician, Yu-Ying is accustomed to getting into the heart and mind of composers who have lived and died long before he did, and for him it is about being a messenger.
“Composers use music to portray and to share their thoughts, ideas and emotion, and as a musician we are the messengers of these. The responsibility of the messenger is more than just to deliver correctly the notes that have been written. It is about having an understanding of the joy and suffering, the history and the composer’s intent. We can relate to these thoughts and feelings in our own lives even though composers that we perform may have lived centuries before we did,” he explains.
And for that reason, he feels that music can help play an important role in conveying the feelings of distress of those suffering from mental health issues, and the aim of a project like 3am Music Collective’s – of creating awareness and promoting acceptance
of such mental health issues to remove stigma, taboos and prejudices so those suffering can get the help they so desperately need without shame or fear – is one that resonates strongly with him.
“It’s my honour and privilege to work on this project – the musicians, sound engineers and producers, the people who came up with this project and the team behind them.
“I am very humbled to be involved in such a good cause. Over the years – through centuries – music has always been such a powerful tool. I’m very privileged, with this project, to be the kind of messenger to use music to reach out to people, to elevate the audience’s spirit, to heal or alleviate one’s su ering. It’s a worthy cause.
“It’s a great honour.”
Still Searching
Listen to Still Searching on Spotify, Apple Music, YouTube.
Music distributed by Pink Flamingo Records. Listen also on Tidal, 7 Digital, Google Play
Composer: Dr Kelly Tang
Music producer: Edric Hwang
Arranger: Edric Hwang
Violinist: Ng Yu-Ying
Violist: Eileen Chai
Guitarist: Ivan Lim
Recording engineers: Dino Ong and Jeremiah Chew Recorded, Mixed and Mastered at GRYD
Heavy Mental Rachel.
Rachel Lu, singer of Caracal and vocalist of 3am Music Collective’s next release, Silver Lining, didn’t think twice when asked to lend her voice to this project. As a woman and as a rock-metal musician, she’s used to making heads turn though she’s sometimes not sure if its for a positive or negative reason. But she surrounds herself with people who are “crazy supportive and accepting, and exceptionally encouraging” of her work.
RACHEL’S OWN EXPERIENCE WITH DEPRESSION & ANXIETY
It’s about listening, says Rachel.
“I’ve had and still have people around me suffer from depression and anxiety and the worst feeling to have as a friend or partner is to not know what to say or how to help,” she says. However, she feels we’re in a day and age when there’s a greater willingness for understanding and acceptance.
“The first step is to just be there for them and to let them know that you will be there,” says Rachel, adding that she tried to understand what the one suffering needs and how she can help, and that it’s different for each individual.
“You won’t know how it feels unless you’ve been there before but just being a friend will help,” she explains.
“For many of us, there would have been a time in our lives when we had to deal with depression or anxiety, and it’s always comforting to know that someone cares, that someone is listening.”
She says that people in the music and creative space have had it hard with depression as well. “I hope with time more help will be available and given to those in need.”
LIFE AS A ROCK-METAL CHICK
People are surprised at her choice of music but she believes in the adage, “to each his own”.
“You can’t please everyone or force people to appreciate things that you find beauty in. And I always strive to care less about what people think but at the same time look for ways to educate people in order to overcome negative connotation or stigmas attached to some of the genres I love,” she says.
DEPRESSION x ANXIETY x ROCK-METAL?
Her music may be loud and aggresive, but it’s all about accepting differences, explains Rachel.
“At the end of the day we are trying to spread the underlying message of understanding and acceptance, correct? And I would like to think that we should be accepting, not only of mental health issues but just about everything.
“Our society has to step up to be more open to accepting people who are just different or ideas (like music or education) that are different,” she says. We shouldn’t write something of because we aren’t used to it or unfamiliar with it. We should, instead, strive to understand it, to gain more knowledge of these things.
“Knowledge is power and ignorance is by no means bliss. We all should strive to be better thinkers.” she adds.
A MESSAGE OF HOPE
The song Rachel has recorded for 3am Music Collective, Silver Lining, is about disappointments leading to anger, distrust, frustrations and hatred, but there’s always a silver lining that will cast away the demons in our lives. It is performed with angst and yet sounds deeply introspective.
“There are parts of the song that did resonate with me and there are other parts that helped me understand better. It made me reflect on my past relationships with friends with mental health issues and made me think of how I can better empathise with them, moving forward,” says Rachel.
“Silver Lining is definitely a song with a message of hope,” adds Rachel. “There is hope for anyone who feels like things are never going to get better in life or that they are forever going to be stuck in this loop of confusion, anger and pain.
“Everyone has the strength within and the silver lining would shine through, eventually.”
THE POWER TO START A CONVERSATION
“Being a singer and being in a band gives you power on and of stage because you have so many people looking up to you and listening to you when you perform or say something or express a thought. I hope I can continue to create music and begin conversations that not only bring up the awareness of mental health issues but also spread the message of acceptance and love so that those who are stuck may get the help and support they need without jumping through too many hoops. It may not stick with many but merely starting a conversation is the right step to take,” says Rachel.
Silver Lining
Listen to Silver Lining on Spotify, Apple Music, YouTube.
Composer: Joshua Leon
Lyricist: Ben Kranen
Music Producer: Edric Hwang
Arranger: Edric Hwang
Vocalist: Rachel Lu
Guitarist: Joshua Leon
Violinist: Eileen Chai
Recording Engineer: Dino Ong Recorded, Mixed and Mastered at GRYD
Redemption.
More than a decade ago, Eugene Yip tried to end his life. Today, the vocalist of MICappella and singer of 3am Music Collective’s new single, Space Inside, hopes to do his part in creating a community like the one that helped him recover.
Young, handsome, and with a successful music career with his band MICapella, you’d think that Eugene Yip has everything going for him.
Yet just over a decade ago, the popular local singer – who’s also a vocal coach, songwriter, arranger and music producer – tried to take his own life while he was living in the United States.
“I decided one night to end my life by overdosing on as much aspirin as I could ingest before throwing up,” says Eugene, who sings 3am Music Collective’s next release, Space Inside.
“Thankfully, I was saved and pumped dry before anything could happen,” he tells Z*Media.
He was suffering from social anxieties, impaired executive function, panic attacks which created phobias, and alternating hyper-somnia and insomnia – which eventually led to clinical depression, culminating in his suicide attempt.
The frightful part – he didn’t even have a name for what he was going through before his attempt on his own life.
“I knew none of those words,” he admits. He grew up in the 80s and 90s, during which mental illness was very much a taboo subject. “You don’t hear much about mental illness except for the juvenile, school tuckshop buzz words like ‘crazy’, ‘siao’ (Hokkien for ‘mad’), ‘retarded, ‘spastic’ among others,” he says. This created a huge wall within the mind towards psychopathology in general, he explains.
“And, frankly, made whatever I went through worse, because I forcibly tried to shut down all awareness and acceptance of what I was going through in the unhealthiest of ways,” he adds.
But he says he’s fortunate – not just to be alive today, but to have been given the support and help towards complete recovery.
“At the time, I was damn lucky I was living in a liberal town in the US with a progressive attitude towards mental illness – where people don’t push it aside or stigmatise it, and support and help came from an overwhelming number of sources,” he says.
While the road to being able to function normally was steep and exhausting, the support helped him overcome what he describes as “the delusion of agonising loneliness” with baby steps.
“And in this time of healing I opened up my world little by little, found my calling in music, and the rest is history,” he says. And he was never alone.
“Of course, I sought professional and community help, I couldn’t do it on my own, and no one should have to,” he insists.
Because of his own experience with mental illness, or psychopathology, Eugene considers it an honour to be part of 3am Music Collective, which endeavours to spread awareness and acceptance of mental health issues in order to remove stigmas and prejudices so that those su ering can get the help they need without fear or shame.
“To be able to support such a cause is an honour for me; to maybe bring a little peace, a little understanding, a little hope, and maybe even start a snowball rolling that could change the attitudes and the hearts of an entire people towards their fellow humans who suffer within the cages of their minds and emotions,” says Eugene. The bonus to this:
“All of this through the medium of music? Sign me up anytime.”
Space Inside, which will be released on Dec 27, 2019, was composed by Edric Hwang and Tan Yu Quan, with Eugene, of course, on vocals.
“It is one of those songs that anyone who’s ever had their mind in the grip of uncontrollable and incessant fear and panic would be able to relate to,” says Eugene. “But the fear is there only because we give it power, or because we’re conditioned to give it power from the way we were brought up or taught, culturally.
“The fear isn’t real, and that realisation will set you free. And in that Space Inside, you will find the you that’s been buried away, the human being with the capacity for joy, love, and unlimited positive expression,” he adds, explaining the song.
While the subject matter appears profoundly heavy, recording it wasn’t quite such a painfully serious affair for Eugene.
“I think I spent a lot of time just bringing levity into the recording session and joking. Dealing with such heavy lyrics really can only be balanced with humour,” says Eugene.
Also, he and Edric, who also produced the song, go way back – they’re partners at GRYD, where the song was recorded, and the two have collaborated and produced music together in the past years.
“So, literally the toughest thing was to stop myself from putting on my producer hat while I was singing, and force myself not to vocal produce and just be a singer,” says Eugene, laughing. “Other than that, it was just another enjoyable day at the office.”
He hopes that people will like the song so that its message can connect with them.
“I feel that the listener has to enjoy the track at the very least. No-one goes deep in a song unless there’s a pleasing connection to it either musically, lyrically, or both. So if people like the song, then the song will work its message into the listener – that these are real issues, and not someone else’s problem.
“We all are in it, in varying degrees, and all of us can be powerful catalysts for healing as a collective.”
Eugene also feels that, as a musician – whether as a singer, songwriter or producer – they can bring real experiences, stories, and emotions to others through a very accessible medium.
“The other side of the coin is that we also create music for enjoyment. By being truthful to ourselves and to our craft, while taking listeners into account, we can spread catharsis and awareness at the same time to many people, wherever they are on the mental/emotional scale, and whoever they may be,” he says.
“We’re all connected, and touching one person is also touching the people that individual has contact with, and maybe save a life, soothe a mind, and heal a heart through this web.”
Space Inside
Listen to Space Inside on Spotify, Apple Music, YouTube.
Composers: Edric Hwang x Tan Yu Quan
Lyricists: Edric Hwang x Tan Yu Quan
Music Producer: Edric Hwang
Arranger: Edric Hwang
Vocalist: Eugene Yip
Violinist: Eileen Chai
Recording Engineer: Dino Ong Recorded, Mixed and Mastered at GRYD
She made a painful but necessary decision.
Singer Fym Summer had to do something to help her mother. Relatives thought she was being a bad child.
She saw her own mother being taken by the police to the Institute of Mental Health – as a result of her actions.
Musician Fym Summer made the painful decision to apply to the court to have her mother taken for psychiatric evaluation after having to put up with her behaviour for years.
“She had been acting ‘off’ since I was a teenager, accusing my sister and I of things we never did, like stealing her jewellery,” says Fym.
Her mother would bang violently on her room door and even that of their neighbours homes, claiming a voice had told her that someone was after her.
“She would then accuse us of being that voice,” says Fym.
This went on until after Fym graduated, which was when she finally plucked up the courage to make that call for her mother to get treatment.
Her mother had to be chained to her bed, and once, after escaping, she was put in jail for several days.
“It was painful to go through,” explains Fym.
She also had to put up with relatives who considered what she did a very bad thing, putting her mother in chains and having her sent to prison. But she insists that she did it because she felt something had to be done to help her mother’s condition, and since her mother refused to get help voluntarily, she had to do the necessary, even if it had seemed drastic at the time.
That all happened in 2016, and her mother would be diagnosed with schizophrenia.
Today, much to Fym’s relief, her mother is on the road to recovery.
And Fym feels compelled to share her experience in order to bring mental health issues out in the open where it can be discussed with empathy, compassion and maturity.
That is also her reason for being involved with 3am Music Collective – a collaborative endeavour by a group of musicians of various genres to spread awareness and acceptance of mental health issues in the hope of removing the attached prejudices and stigmas, so that sufferers can get the help they so desperately need without fear or shame.
Fym is vocalist in the song, Be, in 3am Music Collective’s album. Written by veteran musician Kevin Mathews and produced by Edric Hwang, it is about letting go of fear to just be.
“This song means a lot to me because everyone has fears but not everyone knows exactly what they are facing, until the fear overwhelms them,” explains Fym. “To let go of your fear is to understand, to break down and cry, and be furious, be jealous, be upset. “It doesn’t matter how long this takes, but what’s important is to nally realise the need to accept it, and make peace with it.
“This song shows all the stages of letting go of the fears in us, in a hopeful and beautiful way,” says Fym.
For Fym, her inspiration for the performance of this song is her very own fears, especially in romantic relationships.
“I had trouble believing in love from a young age,” says Fym, who comes from a broken family. “That affected many of my romantic relationships as well as my faith in marriage and long-term commitment.”
However, she’s grateful that she now has a partner who has helped her overcome those fears.
“Through my trust built with my fiancé, Sean, I managed to break free of my fears, little by little,” she explains.
Fym is also mildly depressive, with moderate anxiety issues. She has a regular counsellor who helps her through those issues.
Now, whenever she needs to let go of her fears, she finds it easy to do so, for she has learned to trust her mind.
“Once I tell myself to let go of those fears, I can. Your mind is a powerful tool,” she says confidently.
Apart from being able to be part of this narrative of awareness and acceptance of mental illnesses, Fym has found this collaboration rewarding, musically.
“Kevin is an amazing composer,” she says. “He is such a gifted natural. His lyrics are warm and vivid and moving. I immediately loved working with him and was so excited to know that I would be singing his song.”
She hopes that with the recording of Be, she can inspire and empower those living with fear.
“Be a superhero and overcome our own fears,” she says. “It may not be easy, but it is possible. And everyone is loved and born for a reason. There’s no reason to think otherwise.”
Fym is passionate about spreading hope with her story and music in her role with 3am Music Collective.
“Music is a powerful tool that can spread the message ef- fectively and I’m excited to have my voice be an ambassador of the project,” she says. “Everyone in the collective hopes the music and songs written will evoke a sense of awareness and touch to people experiencing similar conditions or fears.”
She would know, having experienced mental health issues on a personal level as well as having seen a loved one going through the severest of conditions.
“My mother needed years of medication, therapy and even hospitalisation. But whether severe or mild, too many people ignore the cues. Don’t. Seek help if you feel you need to. Just because there are a lot of negative stereotyping of patients with mental illness in Singapore, there really is nothing to be shameful about.
“I hope society will grow to be a more inclusive and compassionate for all of us to be accepting of each other’s fears and worries,” she says.
“We are all human, after all.”
Be
Listen to Be on Spotify, Apple Music, YouTube.
Composer & Lyricist: Kevin Mathews
Music Producer: Edric Hwang
Arranger: Edric Hwang
Vocalist: Fym Summer
Backing Vocalist: Fym Summer
Violinist: Eileen Chai
Guitarist: Jeremiah Chew
Recording Engineer: Dino Ong
Recorded, Mixed and Mastered at GRYD
A song to conquer fear.
Kevin Mathews.
Kevin Mathews struggles daily against fear. Speaking to Z*Media, the veteran musician, who wrote the lyrics and music to 3am Music Collective’s latest release, Be, says: “It’s actually a reminder to myself, about my experience with anxiety.
“One of the remedies I use to counter my anxious moments is mindfulness. So that’s what the song is about.”
Kevin suffers from anxiety disorder that is rooted in low self-esteem, over-analysis and imposter syndrome.
“But overall, it is simply about fear,” he adds. “This is a daily challenge for me. Whenever I need to do anything, I need to let go of my fear.”
This mindfulness helps him combat anxiety, which can become a vicious circle.
“Well, I find that quite often there is a tendency for anxiety sufferers to actually double down on their anxiety, meaning we get anxious about getting anxious.
“For example, if I wake up at 3am, my anxieties will act up and I will feel anxious that I will not be able to get back to sleep and think of the worst consequences of not getting proper sleep resulting in not being able to sleep! Self-fulfilling.
“So then an awareness of this will allow me to relax and accept the situation – to be mindful – and very often, the issue will resolve itself.”
This is what the song, Be, is about: Letting go of your fear, embracing the moment and just be. And here’s what Kevin hopes people will get from it: “It’s all about awareness – first about the issues and then of the fact that we don’t have to suffer alone.”
Working on the song with vocalist Fym Summer wasn’t a fearful experience, thankfully.
“It was fun and rewarding,” says Kevin.
“I truly admire Fym as singer-songwriter and I trusted her instincts and talents to do justice to the song.”
Kevin feels that 3am Music Collective’s endeavour to create awareness and acceptance through music of mental health conditions so sufferers can get the help they need without fear or shame is important.
“Music is universal and hopefully, through its enjoyment, awareness and acceptance can occur,” he says.
Be
Listen to Be on Spotify, Apple Music, YouTube.
Composer & Lyricist: Kevin Mathews
Music Producer: Edric Hwang
Arranger: Edric Hwang
Vocalist: Fym Summer
Backing Vocalist: Fym Summer
Violinist: Eileen Chai
Guitarist: Jeremiah Chew
Recording Engineer: Dino Ong
Recorded, Mixed and Mastered at GRYD
An uplifting message of hope in Shine.
Songwriter Clement Yang and lyricist YW Lee are the duo behind 3am Music Collective’s first single.
When YW Lee sat in the room for the first briefing to partners and collaborators of 3AM Music Collective earlier this year, she felt overwhelmed – because there were musicians, performers and lyricists of notable calibre and repute in the room.
“And then there was me,” she tells Z*Media sheepishly. Lee, who wrote the lyrics to 3AM Music Collective’s first single, Shine, adds that she felt plenty of stress, before and during the song writing process.
“Super stress!” she emphasises.
She feels that the founders of 3AM Music Collective – an initiative that endeavours, through music and engagement, to create awareness and acceptance of mental illness and to remove stigmas long associated with it so that those suffering can get help without fear or shame – may have overestimated her prowess as a lyricist.
Ben Kranen and Eileen Chai have both been long and dear friends to her, and when the couple approached her to pen the lyrics to Shine, it wasn’t so much about saying, “yes”, as it was about being unable to say, “no”.
“How could I say ‘no’ to that face?” asks Lee rhetorically about Eileen, whom she regards as an inspiration. But Lee, a brand strategist and storyteller, is no newbie when it comes to writing, and especially not at writing lyrics: she has had more than 20 collaborations as a lyricist, including with Ben and Eileen.
Lee has also struggled with mental wellness, and has had her own experience to draw from.
She was diagnosed with generalised anxiety disorder along with mild depression at age 22, and could not overcome her fear of flying until she was in her mid-20s, missing out, as a result, in many career opportunities.
“I came to the understanding that it was more about managing a condition than actually curing a disease. It’s like having a bad knee – you still want to be active and can be so, but you have to make sure not to damage the knee any further,” she explains.
It was all good until last year, when she was hit by a mini bus while riding a bicycle at a zebra crossing. She was flung off her bicycle and dragged along the road for 1.5 metres while under the bumper of the minibus. The resulting damage: five cracked ribs, a fractured sternum and an open fracture of her right clavicle.
She told The Pride earlier this year that everything then seemed to be in slow-motion, and remembered thinking at that moment, “So this is what being hit by a bus feels like.”
Recovery has been long and painful, and that horrifying moment has added another mental condition to her two ailments: Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).
“I realised it also affected my anxiety and depression so that the symptoms are now different,” she tells Z*Media.
“It presents differently so that the symptoms I was able to manage before the accident are now different, making it difficult for me to isolate the triggers in order to manage the anxiety and depression,” she explains.
If you met Lee, you would find her positive and cheerful, optimistic even. In other words, you wouldn’t have any inkling that she suffers from any form of mental illness, which, if you think about it, isn’t exactly a good thing. The good thing, however, is that Lee has the courage to tell people about what she suffers from, which is an important part of managing her condition.
In that life-affirming interview with The Pride, she declared: “I don’t want to give up, because I want to stay alive. I want to stay alive for the people who love me.”
Her spirit and attitude resonates with all that 3AM Music Collective represents. And her lyrics are as upbeat as the music written by songwriter Clement Yang.
“For me, it is actually harder to write a positive, uplifting song than a sad one,” says Lee. “It was stressful, but I actually learned a lot from working with Clement, who is so talented and experienced as a songwriter. For me, I don’t feel I did a great job, but it was great just to be given a chance to pen the lyrics to this song,” she adds.
“I listened to the demo so many times that I even dreamed about the song!” she confesses, and adds that she tried looking at the situation from the point of view of the caregiver more than the person going through their own battle.
“But as the lyrics evolved, especially during the last song- writing session, I started realising that it’s a testament to how I managed to stay alive, and keep my head above the water, even when I felt like I was drowning. For me, it’s about how we have to acknowledge what we’re going through, and maintaining the belief that we can survive.”
“That’s the starting point of making plans to get better,” she says.
“Clement is very patient in working with someone as inexperienced as me. Most of the songwriters I’ve worked with are very nice, too, but he allowed me to work around some difficult phrasing issues and actually coached me a lot. So it’s a very good experience,” she explains.
Clement may not have had the experience of battling with mental wellness, but got into the act on account of his friendship with Eileen.
“She has been candid when it comes to sharing her stories about her depression and I found that to be very brave. When she told me about this initiative, I did not hesitate to join the cause,” says Clement. He may not have suffered from depression or anxiety, but having had friends who have gone though those has given him some insights and an ability to empathise with them.
“I do have friends who have suffered from depression and while I do not have first hand experience, I can empathise. There was a time I was pretty broke and there was no solution in sight so that felt pretty helpless. I imagine being depressed as being worse than that and it being perpetual, I feel it can be overwhelming. I think people have to nd their own way out of this darkness but it sure helps if they are not alone,” he says. So he has adopted this attitude of being around for sufferers of mental illness.
“So if or when I know of someone who has depression, I just try to be around,” he explains. Which is sometimes the best thing to do.
As for the song, the brief from the founders was straightforward – Clement was asked to come up with an uplifting tune.
“So, if you heard an uplifting song, I am glad I met the objective,” he says cheerfully.
“While writing the melody, I wanted to have a contrast between the verses and the choruses. The verses being slightly darker to say that depression is a dark place and it’s real. Then a transition to the chorus to signify that it’s possible to step out into the light and be happy,” says Clement, explaining the music. The singer-songwriter considers himself a pop musician.
“I do have an affinity to Rock and R&B tunes, though,” adds Clement, who names Incognito, Extreme, Mr Big, Dream Theatre, Brian McKnight, Brand New Heavies, Steve Vai and many more among his musical influences. “As you can see it’s a weird basket of musical styles. Maybe that best describes me!”
His relaxed demeanour is in contrast to the intense approach of Lee, and even their individual recollection of the collaboration seem entirely different: Whereas Lee recalls Clement working with her through the arduous process of fitting her lyrics into his music, his memory of the process appears far less complicated.
“Lee worked on the lyrics after I handed her a demo with a rough melody. After that, we sat down and fine-tuned the song together,” he says candidly.
Whatever their differences in styles, they have come together – as Lee puts it – “for a really, really, really, really…good cause”.
Now watch them as they Shine.
Shine
Listen to Shine on Spotify, Apple Music, YouTube.
Composer: Clement Yang
Lyricist: YW Lee
Music Producer: Clement Yang
Arranger: Clement Yang
Vocalist: Clement Yang
Backing Vocals: Clement Yang
Violinist: Eileen Chai
Guitarist: Clement Yang
Recording Engineer: Clement Yang
Recorded, Mixed and Mastered at 77 Sound